I am a Chinese girl....

... and nothing else of origin.

My father is a Chinese and so were his parents.

My mother is also Chinese and so were her parents.

Other more, I dare not confirm.

But only that I know I am of Chinese origins.

Though my skin portrays the tinted dark shade of an egg's yoke, with "sepet" looking eyes along with an Asian figure no taller than the world's average height, I was raised in a Western way.

I ate frequently with a fork and spoon compared to chopsticks, I spoke clear English without knowing the basic of Chinese letters, I had nothing of Chinese taste in my wardrobe and I certainly did not know anything passed what my grandmother tells me to do during Chinese New Year.

Yes, I was a typical banana in the making. Despite being raised by my "Chinese - Hakka talking grandparents", English was my "mother tongue" or first language and second was Bahasa Malaysia. However, I was well adversed in speech with several Chinese dialects of Hakka, Cantonise and a little Mandarin. Since I was never in a Chinese school (except Kindergarden), I did not know how to read or write Chinese words, but if I was to be given an opportunity to learn, I would prefer to learn something else instead. French, Spanish a little Japanese and now I have taken a liking for Korean. I am a Chinese, but I couldn't read even the simplest words. According to my grandmother, it was sad.

I never really did liked who I am when I was young, I always wanted to be white, to be more. To live overseas and to experience 4 seasons especially snow. Not that I am being racist here, I am just saying what a young girl just dreamt off and how the world always depicts that the West is always much better.

As I grew older, I began to love myself and the things / people around me more. I guess after attenting public "kebangsaan" school your whole life, the "patriotism" just gets planted in you. I guess it is a good thing, I had friends of many different races and was more than fine with it. I learned to see people and not colour, I learned to love Malay and Indian food more than Chinese (lol). I came to realise that primary school canteen food was the best I have ever had. The 50 cent nasi lemak plate, the 20 cent kerepok lekor, the 1 ringgit chicken rice and so much more.

Sometimes I pity those (no offense) who attend private schools or chinese schools (ahem ahem). I have come to noticed that those who do so are less interative among people of other races and are only secluded among them own. Eventhough I am Chinese (and I am proud of it) I love being with others who don't share my "colour". Sometimes I find myself loving other culture more. If I could pick any food, it would either be Malay or Indian. I love the Ramadan month where all my fav traditional food is up for serve. Not that I am being bias or un-Chinese, but living in a multiracial country really is a blessing. I am more than happy to be my parents child of "yellow skin" and equally charmed by the "colourful country".

Okay, you may find it weird in why I blog about such...
Nothing inparticular really, I happened to just finish watching "The Joy Luck Club" (again after so long). For those of you who do now possess any clue to what it is, it is an American Chinese movie about four Chinese women migrating from China to the States in times of suffering and the connection with their daughter's lives. Kinda complicated to explain, you have to watch it. It is a pretty good movie, especially for Chinese mothers and daughters, haha. I watched it with me mummy today.

Suddenly, I was just glad I was my mummy's little girl and that I was a Chinese, period.

I am a Chinese girl who once dreams of being white, who loves Malay food, adores Indian culture, and speaks numerous languages be it foreign or local.

So I maybe campur here and there but "moi" or "gua" 's skin will always be yellow (not forgetting the sepet eyes too).

Here are some interesting quotes from "The Joy Luck Club"....

Suyuan: That bad crab, only you tried to take it. Everybody else want best quality. You, your thinking different. Waverly took best-quality crab. You took worst, because you have best-quality heart. You have style no one can teach. Must be born this way.

Old Chong: How many sharps? How many flats? What key are we in? Jing-Mei 'June' Woo: Z major. Old Chong: What? Jing-Mei 'June' Woo: Z major! Old Chong: Good.

- this quote is sorta cute. fyi, the piano teacher was pekak, so hence the z major...lol.

June (Age 9): You want me to be someone I'm not. I'll never be the kind of daughter that you want me to be. Suyuan: Only two kinds of daughter: obedient or follow-own-mind. Only one kind of daughter could live in this house: obedient kind. June (Age 9): Then I wish I wasn't your daughter. I wish you weren't my mom. Suyuan: Too late to change this.

- lol... good answer from the mum. meaning no matter how things get with your mum, you are stuck to her! hehe...

Lindo Jong: This one moment would decide for my whole life whether fear would rule or I would. I decided. Underneath I knew who I was. I promised myself never to forget.

[Before seeing her husband for the first time] Lindo (age 15): I have prayed to the gods many days for you, so that you were not too ugly or too old. (She sees her husband and realizes he is a boy.) I must have prayed too hard.

- this is actually a funny one if you watch the movie....

Waverly Jong: Even at that age, I knew I had an amazing gift: this power, this belief in myself, to be better than anyone else. If someone was bigger than me, older than me, it didn't matter. And if they were mean, I could make 'em sorry.

Ying Ying: Losing him does not matter. It is you who will be found--and cherished.

An-Mei: I tell you the story because I was raised the Chinese way. I was taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people's misery, and to eat my own bitterness. And even though I taught my daughter the opposite, still she came out the same way. Maybe it is because she was born to me and she was born a girl, and I was born to my mother and I was born a girl, all of us like stairs, one step after another, going up, going down, but always going the same way. No, this cannot be, this not knowing what you're worth, this not begin with you. My mother not know her worth until too late - too late for her, but not for me. Now we will see if not too late for you, hmm?

- I like this a lot... proves that I AM SO CHINESE...LOL!

Jing-Mei 'June' Woo: [opening naration] The old woman remembered a swan she had bought many years ago in Shanghai for a foolish sum. "This bird", boasted the market vendor, "was once a duck that stretched its neck in hopes of becoming a goose. And now look, it is too beautiful to eat!" Then the woman and the swan sailed across an ocean many thousands of lei wide, stretching their necks toward America. On her journey, she cooed to the swan, "In America, I will have a daughter just like me. But over there, nobody will say her worth is measured by the loudness of her husbands belch. Over there, nobody will look down on her because I will make her speak only perfect American English. And over there, she will always be too full to swallow any sorrow. She will know my meaning because I will give her this swan, a creature that became more than what was hoped for." But when she arrived in the new country the immigration officials pulled the swan away from her, leaving the woman fluttering her arms and with only one swan feather for a memory. For a long time now, the women had wanted to give her daughter the single swan feather and tell her; "This feather may look worthless, but it comes from afar and carries with it all my good intentions."

- this is really beautiful..

In the end, enough said... I hope you gain something by reading this... cause I know by "writing" it, I had a new perspective in my life.

Love your mothers, cherish your origins and make sure you get the right guy! LOL!

Love ya all... muacks!