The sound of raindrops on a silk umbrella

Éste es yo. Qué deseo hacer y decir

Let's chase the moon

Jello people...errr.. I got tagged by a pretty friend from high school, Michelle. Interesting, since lama didn't get tagged d.... So I've decided to tag along lo...hehe :D

Rules: Repeat subject header “I’M TAGGED, THEREFORE…” Copy + paste these rules in your entry. Complete these 15 totally useless statements & questions. Mention who you were tagged by, followed by 8 people whom you’ll be tagging.

I'm tagged, therefore "smile and wave, kick and shave" - lamely random... :P

1. If I was the opposite gender, what would my party clothes be like?

- Anakin Skywalker!!!

2. At 10am this morning, I was...

- Zzzzing... stilll..... college did not start still 2pm :P

3. At 10pm tonight, I will be…

- (already passed 10pm) I was reading online manga, blogs and checking emails. (I got one from my dad in US! Miss him!)

4. Who should be the next Malaysian Prime Minister?

- Someone who genuinely loves this country...

5. If my spouse told me to do without sex for a year, I would…

- ask him why???!!!!!

6. If I was a piece of a car, I would be the…

- a cute baby pink Volkswagen Beatle and alive (like Herbie :D).

7. If I was told one day that I would have to give up either

1) anything chocolate OR

2) ever seeing the beach again,

for the rest of my life,which one will I give up?

- probaly chocolates? I'm not crazy of the beach, but not gazing upon it would be an "eye error for beauty". I can always just subsitute candy for chocolate even though I LOVE CHOCOLATES! Funny right? :P

8. Singapore is good for…

- clean freaks

9. If I could only say 3 words before I die, what would those last words be?

- I love you???

10. Who would I like to be left on a deserted island with?

- Caroline :D

11. Die by drowning or by fire?

- Ouch... I am terrified to be drowned - almost did once, bad experience. But I am also afraid of pain... so definitely not by fire... erm.. can't I just die of old age? :P

12. What is one single thing would you buy with your last RM9.95?

- mcdonalds? lol. But Michelle has a point, give it to the Lord and He shall provide... Amen!

13. If I opened a night club, what would I call it?

- This is random: "Peanut Butter & Jelly: - Yeah baby! LOL, I also want to name my future pet octopus that! :D - For real!

14. Don’t cheat: what’s “bulbous”?

- I don't know really....

15. I think my ass is…

- uurrr??? "ass" means donkey...right? I don't own a donkey (but would love to) but if I do, I think it is pretty!!! :)

The 8 sweet and crazy people that I shall bestow this tag upon are:

- Tan Meng Kheng, the upcoming spectacular actor! (gives thunderous claps and ovation) :P

- Yiang, "Spider" girl the cousin of "Cicakman"... :P

- Rachel Wan, loving girlfriend and dearly missed peer!

- Daphne Lee, hot rocka chick - who needs to remember me more than her boyfriend! :P

- Jonathan Lai, the snappy cow!

- Ashivini Subramaniam, the oldest friend and awesome doctor to be!

- Charles Choy, the unforgotten and ever most loving "uncle"!

- Cheong Chao Yi, the similar honest me in so many ways!

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I got some quotes from Michelle and at thevery moment I read them, a smile adorned my heart. They were just what I needed to hear and enforce in...

"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do."

"Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's"

"Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will."

" Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. "~ Mark Twain

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

And I got this quote from the movie Cutting Edge 2 (a figure skating movie) which I just watched... this sentences caught me right on the spot. (Not exact words - remembered through ear)

"If it is meant to be, it wouldn't be so hard." - Jackie

but...

"It is only worth the win if you fight for it." - Jackie's dad

I leave it up to you on how you view it...

Another quote from my all time favourite movie "Ice Princess":

"And if I lose, I lose! Not because I didn't have the guts to do it but because I wasn't good enough!" - Cassie

If you have a dream, go for it, even if life and times may be hard on it. Others may fail you(but it is not your blame), but you can never fail yourself no matter the outcome. Unless you hold back... (and that will be your only blame).

If you really want something and you fight for it against the odds, then even if the battle did not turn out to be of what you wanted, you'll never regret it. For you already "won the war".

"A soldier may die fighting, but whether the fight was won or lost, he or she has already behold victory. For the passion and commitment in his or her heart to draw arms in the midst of fear, doubt, malice and death was conquered!" - P (self quote)

The voice of a distant star

Yes, may not understand you,

But that is why I want to know more about you.

I want to understand you,

And let you suffer alone no more....

The wind in me

First and foremost, THANKS, GLORY AND PRAISE BE GIVEN TO THE LORD ALMIGHTY CHRIST JESUS!!!

For He is worthy and so much more!

The worse of the week is over! Communication Research assignment 3 and Screen Text assignment is done, submitted and OVER! Yeah baby!

I have never spend the whole day literally in my room just doing my assignments! It only required me to write a MERE sum of 5000 words! (Yes, "very little la I know!") But I managed to finish it in 8 hours...which was okay right? Since I have myself a 12 hour quota.

Hello, not easy k? Reading a 15 page long question/article and all, plus needs reference from text book, theories, bla bla bla....

One straight random shout out from me: Degree sucks!!! I can't believe we are paying so much money for the university to torture us!

But "word crapping" prevails still... hence, habis pun! Again, YEAH!!!

But then again... with all words summed up, I was not where near the targeted amount of words, but fear NOT! For it was already (in my opinion) sufficient (kot?)!

So I have the weekend to relax and be lazy Philee till I have the courage to "wake up" and start my 2 o-so-freaking-long-and-complicated-which-I-don't-know-how-to-start journals for Screen Text and Public Relations!

Not to mention another 3000 words for another on-coming campaign management PR assignment!

BLUEK!!!

Have I shouted out I NO LIKE DEGREE?! (Yes the grammer error was purposeful!)

Anyway... college is over for the week so I shall not whine on it....

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Let's talk about violin class today!!

Not bad, didn't get much errr... bad comments as last week. Hehehe.... was ok, played some nice tunes today with new songs. :D

And as usual, my left fingers are rather sore today... but no biggie, it is worth it. :)

By the way, I have two very interesting and amusing (at least to me) quotes today from my violin Teacher Miss Chuang:

"You are there, just not there yet!"

(LOL)

"Don't play like pasar malam pyjamas!"

(Double LOL).

Reason to that second quote is because I played a new song today that was suppose to be a seductive song called "Sweet Loraine" (cant remember by whom). And Ms Chuang vividly, in a amusing manner demonstrated how the song should be played in a dramatic style. LOL.

She said and acted: "Imagine late night in the pub, sexy lady lying on the piano wearing black stockings and heels along with a black dress singing...bla bla bla..... " - LOL

"This is how the song is, don't play like pasar malam pyjamas."

Get the point?

The song is suppose to be played in a seductive way (sexy black clothes) and I was told don't be a robot...hahaha (pasar malam pyjamas).

*Compare both "garments"*

Then soon later, I played this another song "Rumba" in which again my delighting violin teacher again took the sweet effort in dramatising it out (to let me get the "feel" of the song) before "performing it together".

Hence, we "danced" in class a little....LOL!

For real, she grabbed me and did a Tango before getting into a Waltz and finally down to the Rumba (in a funny and messy way of course).

And the song played later turned out pretty well! I got the beat and "zam-ed" it (if I do say so myself).... :D (cheers to both me and Ms. Chuang)

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I miss my dad :(

He is in San Fransisco, USA now for work for weeks to come. And before that he was in Netherlands, Holland before coming back for a few days in which he had to go to Ipoh. And now after US, when he returns home, he will soon depart to Singapore pula....

Holland-Ipoh-USA-Singapore (continuously)

But after all the travelling and work, he will have a month of leave in which he will get to spend it with me, yeah! We are gonna do adventure stuffs together again!!

But for now... I miss my dad.... and his big teddy bear hugs!!

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I feel like (currently):

- dancing around (like an idiot as usual) with my "invisible" someone....hahaha... pretending la... (yes, lame I know) - which I have been for the past hours in my room here.... nice to dream a little. But it is possible to do the Waltz "alone" and hit the cupboard.... :P

- Speak Shakespeare!!! - Inspired from Casanova (movie) kot.... I seem to be a little delirious mood - "talking" to myself and riddles and in words that I usually read from my poetry and Jane Austen books.

"Oh how I wish to converse in such a manner with a gentleman after my own heart, who is worthy of my lips and sweetest from the start ." - P

*Whao... that was super random wei....hahaha - totally on the spot! I am so self quoting that!!!!
Now I am a bit "angau"...lol!

O such a beauty, the splendour of love.

Give me thy heart and I shall bear my future.

Carress me with thy warmth,

And let me linger.

Show me the star of thy affection,

And let me twinkle.

O my... that was SUPER RANDOM TOO..... tetiba aje... too "angau d"! I must be. I am a poet again... tra la la la la....! :P

Okay I got to go before I get more mushy here... :D

Do have a pleasent day and God bless!!

*HUGGIES*

Complications of the heart

I am freaking fustrated!!!!

Very fustrated!

Ultimately frustrated!

I feel like banging my head unto the wall and scream my heart out!!!

Nay, more like jumping off a cliff or eating someone up - bites off the head!

I'm pretty upset, quite upset or more like seriously upset.

Not because of anything or anyone but because of myself.

I am a terrible person! A very big one!

Let's just say, I am far from being proud of myself today.

I shall not linger in explanations but just wanting to express my "argh-ness".

I think I need to be locked up somewhere deep from "normal" people, maybe somewhere nice. Like a convent or an abbey or a castle or a mansion or a manor on the mountain or hill top. (think Sound of Music)

Where I can get away from everyone I know and be someone I want to be for real.

Just to calm my soul and to seek solitude of repentance. To cleanse my disgusting and wrecked self and just to flee away from my current life.

Sometimes I feel like I am being torn apart inside and its splitting me to be someone I don't want to be. I feel so tired and restless.

Sometimes I just wanna let it all out and just do as I please.

Be an uncivilised person and turn into the animal inside of me. Sounds vile?

Or just be an angel and keep it that way!

I feel like screaming so bad.... But no matter how much I tried I couldnt, the neighbours would hear :P

And I don't want the police or security to get to my place. *Cuckles*

But seriously, I am desperate to just let it all out of my lungs.

But then again, who would hear it?!

Who to truly hear the cry of my heart?

Sometimes I feel like a concious person living in a vegetable form. It's like I am wide awake but my body is just not reacting to it. Like I am screaming to get out but no one sees it as this shell only response to nothing!

Like just being let out of GM or anestatic (o_O)? - Experience it before after my 2004 surgery when I was pushed out of the operating room. Where you are concious of things around you but you just cant move or react to it? Like your body is not your own. It's like you can hear the doctors and your family members talking but you can't even move a finger to react?

That's my point, that's how I feel sometimes. I know and I feel ever so real. But I cant seem to convey it out. Like my body is not my own and no one seems to notice. Just like how my mum couldnt hear me when I called out to her in the hospital room. Cause in real life then, I was just lying "dead" on the bed not moving.

Maybe somethings are not meant to be let out.

But it is as said - tearing me apart!

It's like I am keeping so much inside but I cant let out. And it is killing me inside.

Sometimes it feels like I'm in limbo! Ouch!

And I don't want to be lukewarm...

I want to be ME!!! And a very good one too!

I want to wake up and know that everything is alright!

I want to be happy again!

I am pathetically desperate for it!

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~Let Your will be done~

"Lord, grant me the peace of mind to deal with matters wisely. Give me the spirit of understanding, wisdom and knowledge. Guard my heart and mind to do what is right in Your eyes and forgive me of my imperfections."

Amen

The symphony of the rain

....it's like loving/missing someone who's dead....

No matter how much you love or miss him or her, you'll never see them again.

"Now that is something sad to be blissful about...."

When the winds chime the bells

I had a very stressful violin class today, one of the worst. My fingers are aching now as I type and skin is peeling off! My back hurts and my SE level is degrading rapidly. There was a new (2008-2011) exam piece sight reading today and I sucked to the max. I have never seen Miss Chuang (my violin teacher) so annoyed and fustrated before! And no matter how many times I've tried it, I got worse. I practically struggled for the first 2 bars! Maybe it was because I was super restless and I could not concentrate well. Miss Chuang said I was too stiff with my bowing, she literally had to adjust my right wrist all the time! But how can I not be stiff when it was all so tense?!

OKAY, I am not really complaining here, my violin teacher is so far the best music teacher I have ever had (among 10 of them?! - including piano). When I first entered SIM - Selangor Institute of Music, she literally "broke" me off and mould me again in the correct way. It seems that my basics from my previous violin teacher was sorta not correct, hence she took literal and specific care to "break" every single finger I have to bring out what she wants. And it was a rough start at SIM. Imagine playing the same way for so many years, and now having to change it all and adapt to it ASAP.

But anyway, it turned out good, my bowing, musical knowledge, fingering, tones and all are improving. Although it was hard, I actually enjoyed my classes compared to the previous teacher. I learned many other songs and not only my exam pieces. And I love duets!

But today's class was..... o_0"

Anyway.... classes in college start today - after the Raya hols. Everything was so so, I have yet to start on all my annoying assignments and they are "sedang mendaiki bukit" now - if you know what I mean. But I guess you won't panic untill the last minute.... :P After class, went for lunch with Meng at Carl's Jr! Yiang couldn't join us cause she had to balik :( I had a bacoon cheeseburger and it was great! Very full.....hehehehe! I practically skipped dinner!

When I got home, I terus tidur like a pig... waking up early in the morning, college and a full lunch has taken its toll on me... OINK, OINK!! lol

But after I woke up, the first thing that dawned me what that I forgot to send an important thing to Yiang via email!!!!

I am SO SORRY YIANG!!! Thousand apologies!

We are both applying to minor in Public Relation for our degree in Murdoch University (Perth) - major in Media Studies. And I had to send her the scanned form and have it emailed the college before 430pm! But I only woke up after 6pm! Again, sorry! I hope Ms Sasha can send it tomorrow instead.

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Où êtes-vous, o garde de mon coeur las ? Je vous recherche journalier, désir de votre sourire encore. M'avez-vous oublié ? Tu me manques beaucoup. Je vous souhaite bien, mais surtout je vous souhaite l'amour.

If you need somebody, I'll be there for you....

The feeling of wanting to understand...

...the feeling of wanting to be understood.

By just thinking this and not saying it,

It will not get to the hearts of anyone.

That's why you can't give up.

SPEAK YOUR MIND!

It fades with every fall of leaf

"Can you think of someone too or so much untill you can't seem remember how she or he looks like anymore?"

And it scares you because it seems like there is something missing in your life and you can't seem to find it...

But your weary heart never ceases to miss him or her?

The butterflies flew from Bloomingdale's street to me....

(Click to enlarge if you cant read it)

I just find this quite amusing and interesting.

Of the moment:

No matter how much the fish tried, it just couldn't fly....

Stupid opinion:

If you try hard enough, it will come true.

General opinion:
Fish do not fly and are not meant to do so!

Wise opinion:

Well, there are "flying fishes", you just aren't one.

Danielle: A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?

Leonardo Da Vinci: Then I shall have to make you wings.

(Ever After: A Cinderella Story)

But Leonardo Da Vinci left out something. That eventhough the fish could have wings, it was not made to last what was beyond the sea water.

Forcing it would only result in its demise.

Hence, the point of the moment is:

Impossible la!

Fishes are meant to live in the water and birds are made to fly in the sky.

The earth can never touch the sky and it is just too high.

Of the moment, that was:

~Philee's Broken Philosophy of the Day~

"I know it won't come true. But still like the silent moon in the night, I was always watching you beside." - Moon of One Sided Love

and drown with it....

I wish you love

What can you do?

When you are so far away and helpless???

Like a small and shady face in a crowd yearning to seek what is out of reach?

Whom is in the peak of the multitude of people?

And not one unwavering glance scout even an inch of your presence?

So near yet so far, no?

Dancing dragon lilies...

Firstly,

GLORY AND PRAISE TO GOD ! ~ Assignment 2C has been completed!

One nightmare down.... SEVERAL more to go!

*Mentally slaps self* - I can do it right?!

Gambate~!

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Okay....

Update:

~ Granny admitted to HUKM for a week due to heart complications. Praise be to God she is recovering!

~ PMS ALERT!

~ Hari Raya Puasa coming.... ?!

~ More assignments!!!

~ SE level decreased rapidly!

~ Need to get a better and healthier life! EXERCISE! And eat right!!!

Note to self: It is okay jumping around in the house and acting like a real retard - no more maid to laugh at me.

~ Btw, those who don't know.... my maid balik Jakartha d... and not coming back, so house chores here I come!

~ My dinosaur laptop is DEAD! ~ Usinng koko's one now... :(

~ Mood swings.... like a typhoon! :P

~ Needs to do something constructive and stick to it!

~ Depend on God more!!!

~ I need a break, not just staying at home but go out and do something crazy or fun!

~ I desperately wanna scream and shout out loud! So many things hidden inside and no one to hear them. I need to go to a remote cliff and just let it all out!

~ I want to post something up, something very personal but emotional. It was inspired by something, something beautiful. At the moment, I could just "see it all". But for now... I shall leave it be till the right time. :)

~ Emo la.... :P

I love you.... I love you alll!!! *Sniff* Sob sob.... bohahahaha! :P

Okay... I don't know what more to update unless I get a little more personal and emotional. So I shalll cease here and bid you *sweet huggies* :D God bless!

"If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention!"

Beautiful....

I had a BIG-smiley-fantastic-sweet and lovely dream today....
One of the best.... errr... lets just consider it the best! :)
It seemed so real, so vivid. It even tasted real :D
It was beautiful, so beautiful...
It gave made my day from the moment I opened my eyes this morning.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes...."

The smile of an angel never fades away...

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.True love never dies as we see in our eyes, only when we let go that we can truly say goodbye. Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself." - Whoever la...

The weight of half a step

And I mean it from my heart....

I just blogged, but I didnt have enough guts to publish it (with what I wrote at the end) - as always. So instead I drafted it again.

So much to say but so little to be heard...

Life's been tough - and it can get tougher. So toughen up!

You can never wish hard enough...

And I am sorry I never really tried stopping....