Within the Wind

Currently Listening to:

From The Inside Out

by

Hillsong.

The Potato realises that she has a tendency to be able to blog in the wee hours of the morning before a big event or trip (refer to previous posts for evidence). Don't ask me, I don't know why. It's 3AM in the morning and I am expected to 'rise and shine' in 3 hours time (6AM!) to get ready for Eaglepoint Damansara's first church camp in Genting View Resort (Praise the Lord for it!)! But here I am again unable to catch ZZZZ and resulting to put my midnight thoughts into virtual words

If you've noticed, the Potato has rarely blogged bout anything personal or private anymore. She used to go all emo on it (boy, when I read my previous blog, I can't help but blush!) and never fails to notify the entire cyber world (those who bother) of her petty little life musings and gaga-ness. But nope, not now anymore. At least not recently or lately. This must be the reason of her lack of updates. She has been so caught up with things; up and down, that she has gotten so weary and almost nonchalant to bother anymore. It's hard enough to sort and contain them properly inside her let alone being able to lay it out straight for the world to see. She guesses that when you grow up, when you encounter another phase or stage, things just change. You try to cope with the new stuff while balancing the old or finding wisdom to know if you should keep it. Is she just being complicated? Or just too plain to be comprehended

NOTE: If you find it hard to understand the language or phrasing of sentences, do excuse the Potato, she has not compose any writings lately and is somehow retardedly unsure of her English. Just fresh off 3 months after her last semester and her brain has already started to rust. How shameful of her. :P

I wish I could put the Potato to sleep.

She needs her sleep.

I need her to sleep.

But recently she's been going through this whole 'phase' whereby she only dozes of after tossing and turning in bed for hours, thinking of the most ridiculuous things and end up having nightmares of it

It's funny really, before this, she was hibernating like a log (after the recovery from the horrible illness couple of weeks ago) all the time and now she could barely remember how to sleep.

Waking up to lingering dreams (nightmares still?) of whatever the world holds for her then just ain't the cupcake starter of her day. No wonder she's a bit sotong lately. 'Otak takde centre'.

There are good days and there are days where they ain't.

But it's okay.

She's okay.

She will be okay.

She may be far from perfect. But she has a perfect God. :)

She just needs to stop dwelling in her weaknesses and start to rely on His stength instead.

I believe in You.

In Your promises in my life.

In Your love and goodness

Forgive me for ever doubting.

Night Rainbow....

Currently Listening to:

One Tree Hill;

Season 6,

Episode 18

The Potato is glad and proud to have observed Earth Hour with daddy and mummy~! :D


I know there are many cynical and skeptical people out there who thinks this is a stupid and useless thing.... But what they don't see is the bigger picture of it.

The bigger picture where the world, people, citizens (all different in their own way) stand united for a good course. To make a statement and to make a difference. And yes, one dark house can make a difference. For you bear a testimony to the world and you made a stand.


"A single grain of sand can tip the scale and one man can be the difference between victory and defeat." ~ Emperor of China, Mulan.


It is about a change of mind, a mentality, a mindset, to become a civilised world. To move on to a more advance way of life where we care not only about ourselves bout also for the future of others. :)

So, if you're making a stand, be it for or against, do think, is it's for a bigger picture? A bigger course? A bigger vision? A bigger mind? A bigger world? Or some form of selfishness?

Because you can make a difference.

So stand out and stand loud! :D

"It's okay to be the one person to try to make a difference in the world. Cause sometimes all it takes, is one person to change the world". :)

~ Philee ~

A Road of Alabaster Stones

Currently Listening to:

If I Were A Boy

by

Beyonce

Last week was TOUGHNESS in the making. But by the grace of God, I lived through it and is currently breathing and alive. :D

Been so exhausted (literally did not sleep a wink the day before TVC assignment was due) that my muka got all 'hantu-ry' and black. Hahaha.... But the worst is over.... OR SO I THOUGHT???

Before I knew it, Campaign Management's Final Presentation on United Voice's Communication plan (proposal) to Miss Doris and United Voice itself was just ticking moments away. :S And the cherry to top it was that I forgot I was appointed to do the presentation. -_-"

So tonite's another night of work before meeting up for another group presentation/assignment meeting tomorrow.

And I won't even mention that I still have yet to study for my TVC final exam. :(

Sure the storm is over but the rain is still as heavy.

But I can make it!!!

Gambate Philee, the Potato supports you! :D

All the best everyone (I know many are having final exams and assignments too) and God bless!

Please don't blow the summer wind away....

Currently Listening to:

Won't Let You Fall

by

Fergie

(OST: Poseidon)

I don't mean to be a MELODRAMATIC princess here but I mean every detail when I say that I am really having a tough week. More like tough month! But then again, this week is the worst.


Sick - have been for more than a week! (sore throat, flu, cough, phlegm, headaches) + endless stress + tiredness + group assignment meetings + campaign management major end project + TVC final assignment (CAN'T focus now!) + upcoming TVC final exam (YET to study!)+ very dried up = I NEED SOME SERIOUS LOVE!!!!




I don't really know how to handle stress well cause naturally I am not a stressful person nor do I get stressed easily (and usually I don't let it get to me). If you know me well, I'm basically a mellow person who does not take herself too seriously (in other words, I'm not a critical person - which is why I am always so smiley and cherry). Hence.... if I say I'm stressed, means its a big deal (for me at least) and I'm really cracking out!


Lord I need You!!! I needs Your peace, wisdom, understanding, knowledge, strength and joy. Take all that is ill and sick away from my body in Jesus name and grant me a clear mind to think for my studies.



p/s: To dearie Alexis Lim Ying Hui.... thank you for being such a blessing to me. Your care, encouragement and support sustained me through my trying moments. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Heart ya lots!

Stardust....

Currently Listening to:
No Greater Love
by

Rachel Lampa

"I'm okay.... right???"

"Are you?"

Torns in my head!

Currently Listening to: Because I'm A Girl by Kiss

Squeeze me please!!!

End my agony....

Dreams to Dreams....

Currently Listening to:

You'll Be In My Heart

by

Phil Collins

(OST: Disney Original Movie: Tarzan)

"What'cha gotta say??"

O the Darling-ness of Me!

"Yellow me away...."

I need my RUBBER DUCKIE!

The Nightingale Sang...

Currently Listening to:

The serenading OST of Memoirs of a Geisha

And I was wondering... just wondering.

.... just ever wondering.

The Taste of Colour

Currently Listening to:

Someday

by

All-4-One

(OST: Hunchback of Notre Dame)

"I had a moment and an inkling...."

A Puzzle of Thoughts....

Currently Listening to:

Amazing Grace (My Chains Have Gone)

by

Chris Tomlin

(OST: Amazing Grace the movie).

Currently Doing:

- Downloading manga... (titled: Birthday Songs 4/1)

- Browsing through mangafox.com for new manga to read...

- Reading Maimiko Touko no Jikenbo manga...

- Thinking if I'm getting really addicted to manga and if I'll survive on... :P

- Having a minor brain tension which should be cured with some peace and slumber...

- Mentally jumble-ed up and needs a good old teddy bear hug...

- Contemplating randomly in an insane way on whether I should shave my head bald to 'balance myself'...

- Wondering what a hocus pocus-ly horrible person I am and needs to be send to a locked up tower in a convent high up a mountain for some life reflection with God. I'm feeling like a guilty rat now against crimes to myself and Him....

- Need to depend on Him more!!! PRAY!!

- Sulking in my own way and realising I need to think and wonder less in life... I need action and determination!

Have a blessed weekend people!

Break Me Into Pieces....

Currently Listening to: I Think I Love You

(OST: Full House)

Life can be a turbulent ride even when all seems fine.

Ain't it peculiar?

How a normal boring and mundane day can churn so many things inside you?

How those many things can affect you ever so heavily eventhough it may be small in measurements?

Maybe it's because you're free and somewhat empty inside that even a drop of pin is audible?

Is this all just a plain.... *can't find the right word for this feeling*?

*BREATHES IN AND OUT!!!!*

I don't like it. I don't like this sucky feeling. This "argh" motion in me.



Maybe some things are just catching up.... Don't you hate it when you're not perfect?

I need my Saviour...!!!!

Bubbling Butterflies

Currently Listening to:

Geu Deh Ji Geum

by

Lim Jung Hee

(OST: Full House)

I am a somewhat troubled inside.

A little.

Maybe just a little teeny weeny bit troubled.... I think.

Or not?

It's been bugging me non-stop, putting me on private emotional fits and fustration just envelopes my emotions all day.

Is that a lot or little?

Cause I keep thinking it's okay (or it's gonna be okay) and it will past soon in time.

But I can't help it... I can't help feeling icky and fustrated.

The feeling is terrible!

And at the same time I feel sad, upset and emotional. I'm pretty sure PMS is way gone and 'I'm fine'. But some things happening lately has just seem to get me in the nerves very badly. Not just one matter but more. And it all turns into a conflicted battle that just drives me crazy! Ripping me apart and tormenting my sanity!

I just wanna run away to my own wonderland and pretend I am a bubbly retard where my world only revolves around rainbows, flowers, butterflies and beautiful weather. And no one can disturb me!

***Cheers to retardedness!***

"Pretend you don't know and just keep on living!"

Life's a ball of butter!

Have you ever experienced those days where you have a zillion feelings, emotions, words and desires caught up inside of you but can't do anything to express it? Where it all just clusters and jumbles in and out of your head and storms the pit of your stomach like a hurricane in a balister? And all you can do is stay numbly stagnant where ever you are and fight the battle silently inside?

Have you?

I bet you have... in a manner of speaking.

We all have.

Sometimes, we pretend it's all okay and try to fix it and sometimes we RIP it all out to the world.

But sometimes, we just stay there and let it make the worse out of us. And we become something else.

Something entirely different....

Sunsets On My Window

Currently Listening to:

Somewhere Out There

by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram

(OST: An American Tail)


Drama.... it's a daily thing in life. You can either be a dramatic person or just have tonnes of it in your life. So which are you? Do you exaggerate most of the time? Or do you just have lots to put up with for real? I hate drama. It's one thing to watch it on TV and another to experience it. Drama, drama, drama. But it is a part of life. It is life... we experience it all the time. So what's the big deal about it? Don't need to be dramatic right? But what about intenal drama? What do you think of it? What of it? How of it? Is it worse than the other dramas? Far more suffering? Or just too dramatic for words or expression?

Internal drama. It kills you inside and leave you molting without anyone seeing or noticing it. It is the perfect killer, the optimum assasin without a trace of evidence. It rots you, rips you apart and sometimes it poisons your very mind. And before you know it, you've lost it. It is the battle within and sometimes you just don't know which stand you are to take. The war rages and before you can tell, little things inside starts perishing, dragging you slowly with it. Very slowly, it withers away in the night, leaving you bare and incomplete. How can two opposite sides co-exist in one mind? Has it come to the point of insanity? How can so much drama be conjured up in one thought?

Who are you? Who am I? Why are you torturing her so badly? Do you not feel tired? Why are you storing so much anger? Ill thoughts and pain? Let not it be harboured for destruction will come swiftly. It is near the corner. Yes, it is knocking on ones door.... Leave, please let it leave. Push it away. Send it away. Leave it. Abandon it. Her soul is weary. Let it loose. Let it fade away. I beg you. O I beg you... kill it. Destroy it, burn it! Let it rip with pain! Let it suffer till it ends! No mercy... no mercy... For she has none to give.

A Teardrop Away...

Currently Listening (current craze too): White Love Story - Coffee Prince OST

I guess the strike of PMS is inevitable! Emotions run wild and tears are only a blink away. Sometimes I don't know if I like it or it's just plain troublemsome. But I very much fancy the feeling, the feeling of having emotions and being able to channel it more outwardly. I guess in a way it makes me human and vunerable to others at times. And sometimes I don't mind that, cause it's not really easy stuffing everything inside a smile and making it work.

Sometimes I "rain" like a storm (mostly at night), sometimes I bite the head of others, sometimes I yakk like a goat (about nothing and everything), sometimes I hug and kiss people (family la) like embracing a big fat cute infant with "rambutan" cheeks and sometimes I become a little cuckoo and start acting weird (making faces to myself in the mirror).

And sometimes I am thankful. For real, for being able to shed tears again from time to time. Sometimes, life seems so dry. My eyes seem so dry. They used to be the broken tap of a water tank and I must confess, the title "cry baby" was always or somehow incorporated into my image. But since "then and there", my eyes became the pits of sand and the "tank of water" dried out and I could not find a reason to fill it anymore.

But PMS gives me the rare rain in "my drought", an oasis in my desert and comfort in being "fleshy". It returns emotion and unleashes the "wild" side. The side in where I am able to shout out loud in my room and confess out loud if I love or hate you (applicable to anyone)! :)

And sometimes it can get a little depressing. Or sometimes a lot. And that's when that happends,

*Bohohohohohoho....!!!*

And that's not just the conventional crying but the ones where you "rain" like a very upset baby.

:P

Like this:

LOL....
And actually, as sad as it seems. It feels good. It feels good to just rain it out. On the other hand, at that moment, I actually felt happy to be miserable at that moment. The rush of emotions and tears just flood inspiration and joy in. :P It makes me happy knowing I am sane, alive and human. It makes me happy that I can feel. That I can feel myself and you.

Thought out Loud:

"....nothing." =D

It fades with every fall of leaf

"Can you think of someone too or so much untill you can't seem remember how she or he looks like anymore?"

And it scares you because it seems like there is something missing in your life and you can't seem to find it...

But your weary heart never ceases to miss him or her?

The butterflies flew from Bloomingdale's street to me....

(Click to enlarge if you cant read it)

I just find this quite amusing and interesting.

Of the moment:

No matter how much the fish tried, it just couldn't fly....

Stupid opinion:

If you try hard enough, it will come true.

General opinion:
Fish do not fly and are not meant to do so!

Wise opinion:

Well, there are "flying fishes", you just aren't one.

Danielle: A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?

Leonardo Da Vinci: Then I shall have to make you wings.

(Ever After: A Cinderella Story)

But Leonardo Da Vinci left out something. That eventhough the fish could have wings, it was not made to last what was beyond the sea water.

Forcing it would only result in its demise.

Hence, the point of the moment is:

Impossible la!

Fishes are meant to live in the water and birds are made to fly in the sky.

The earth can never touch the sky and it is just too high.

Of the moment, that was:

~Philee's Broken Philosophy of the Day~

"I know it won't come true. But still like the silent moon in the night, I was always watching you beside." - Moon of One Sided Love

and drown with it....