Beneath the Storm

My new favourite song...




Storm by Lifehouse

How long have I
Been in this storm
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I'd see you
The storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know you didn't
Bring me out here to drown
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I see you
The storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright

I know everything is alright
Everything's alright

Under His Wings

The Potato is giving all praise and credit to the Lord God Almighty!!!
For He is worthy in everyway!!!

His faithfulness is awesome, His peace is so transending, And His grace is more than sufficient!

If you've read my previous post, you will know that I suffered a minor panic attact for a moment. Headache, urge to vomit, difficulty in breathing (more like hyperventilating), drumroll of hearbeats like mad and wanting to pass out...

It was not a nice experience. It was panic + scared to the max!

But in that dark hour, I cried out to Him. Surrendering all and just seeking Him for His grace and mercy.

And Lo' Behold!

His faithfulness became real. So real. So true.

I felt peace. Joy. And strength. All that was caging me before disolved and melted away. And suddenly I knew that it was not me, but Him.

It was an amazing moment.

The Lord was there, He was real and He showed me that it was going to be okay.

I am so blessed and thankful to have such an awesome God.

His faithfulness is beyond anything else!

Thank you Lord!!!!!!

The Light in my darkness

Currently Listening:

White Horse

by

Taylor Swift

I am so scared.

So so scared.

I feel like my lungs are tightening and choking my heart.

I can't breathe.

I want to scream.

I want to cry....

But I can't do anything.

I feel tired.

I feel sick.

I feel lost.

I feel so numb.

****

I need you Lord....

I know I am unworthy

But please take me in, do not abandon me.

Forgive me and give me peace for Your will.

Lead me to Your ways and strengthen my heart and faith in You.

To infinity and beyond~!

Currently Listening to:

The buzzing sounds of KDU Square cafetaria at 8am in the morning.

It's the first day of my finals exams. The beginning of the end.

And here I am sitting here with my Princess Coconut laptop (need it to study, all my notes are softcopy!) trying to study for my upcoming Communication & Conflict Management final exam at 9am (an hours time). But alas! I am not studying, rather blogging my morning through as my head is neither here nor there.

I have not finished studying yet *screams* and yes I know it's an hour away, yet I feel so un-needed to do so. Am I plunging myself into a serious abyss of doom? Or am I just too over-mellow to realise that my neck is on the line for this exam?

I feel peace.

But yet my conciousness is screaming "You're dead!"

I am awfully terrified and yet feeling like my soul is flying to Candyland where the Candy Clown is welcoming me like sugar and butter before devouring me whole (watch IT?)

So I am 'chilling' now while knowing later I am 'doomed'!

Btw, note to self, great analogy, gotta use it often (lame I know).

I wanna scream help but at the same time know that I was in the process of 'cari mati sendiri' cause I am not studying!

And to make matters worse, I barely slept last nite. What did I do then?

Was trying and struggling to study!!!

I gave up bout 4am something and knock myself dead on the bed and then started to realise half way through that I kept waking up non-stop cause my mind was just too worried and gila to sleep. Now ladies and gentleman, sleeping has never been a problem for me before. Even during past exams, I slept like a rock, nay, like a grizzly bear during winter!

But now, all I can think about is the exam and how to study for it (which I am still failing to do now). It's like I am so conflicted and pulled-apart! Argh! So drama! :P

Okay, I think I gtg now. Need to try to study and pray!

"Lord I submit today's paper to You. Let it be Thy will. Forgive me for my sins of laziness, procastination and disobediance. Thank you for Your forgiveness, love, grace and mercy. I am Yours. Grant me the spirit of wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Bless me with a peace of mind and an attentive spirit. Go ahead of me and may Your favour be upon me. I commit my exams unto You in Jesus's name, Amen!" :D

The Prologue of My Smiles

Currently Listening to:

Just Arond the River Bend

by

Pocahontas

The Potato is certified to the max as the most

MANJA and SAYANG - needed girl in the entire world of hunny-bunnies, huggy-buggies, kissy-mushies, snuggles-wuggles and sayang-mayangs~!

PERIOD!

:D

Would you contest that?

If no, then what are you waiting for???

SAYANG her la~!!! :)

In the absence of the moon....

Currently Listening to:

Winner Takes It All

by

Il Divo

I feel like a ROTTEN POTATO....

Because

The POTATO feels ROTTEN....

Forgive me.

Please forgive me....

Night Rainbow....

Currently Listening to:

One Tree Hill;

Season 6,

Episode 18

The Potato is glad and proud to have observed Earth Hour with daddy and mummy~! :D


I know there are many cynical and skeptical people out there who thinks this is a stupid and useless thing.... But what they don't see is the bigger picture of it.

The bigger picture where the world, people, citizens (all different in their own way) stand united for a good course. To make a statement and to make a difference. And yes, one dark house can make a difference. For you bear a testimony to the world and you made a stand.


"A single grain of sand can tip the scale and one man can be the difference between victory and defeat." ~ Emperor of China, Mulan.


It is about a change of mind, a mentality, a mindset, to become a civilised world. To move on to a more advance way of life where we care not only about ourselves bout also for the future of others. :)

So, if you're making a stand, be it for or against, do think, is it's for a bigger picture? A bigger course? A bigger vision? A bigger mind? A bigger world? Or some form of selfishness?

Because you can make a difference.

So stand out and stand loud! :D

"It's okay to be the one person to try to make a difference in the world. Cause sometimes all it takes, is one person to change the world". :)

~ Philee ~

A Light of Love

Note to the public:

the Potato's phone is officially dead after taking a turn in the washing machine

(never put the handphone in the pocket, use the hand bag!!!)

but blessedly,

the SIM card survived.

Currently using my mum's phone now.

However,

my SIM card is empty, so I don't have any contacts or info.

Hence when you sms me, please identify yourself.

Thank you.

And sorry if I did not reply, I'm out of credit too.

****

Wishing a blessed birthday to Lim Shen Ling and Nicholas Eu. :)

God bless and lotsa love! :D

Oh, and the same goes to me, tehee...

Thank you to all the sweet and loving people who remembered and wished me. Your messages, calls and smses are deeply appreciated.

And those with the pressies, thank you so much too, I love them lots, ! :D

****

Blessedly, God provides and all is in His timing and plan.

For....

My birthday ang paus are just in the nick of time to get myself a new handphone.

Though I'm rather 'kiam-siap'.... but still, it made me learn to let go and know that it's nothing to hold on too long. Worldly and monetry things come and go, so no sweat~! :)

(Thanks to Him and to my beloved family for the support)

All is good. :D

I dedicate this birthday and year to the Lord... :)

At the end of my rainbow....

Currently Listening:

Through the Rain

by

Mariah Carey

Today, someone told me that I was positive!

I know that some of my previous post might contest that (emo times - pms la), but if you know me, I am naturaly a cherry bubble who likes to smile and talk rainbows all the time.

But sometimes I tend to 'forget' that... (especially when I'm emotional or stressed - busy week la)

But when someone commented about a moment of my so-called character today, I was reminded of who I truly was. Someone I've forgotten lately and it hit me that I was once the girl who still smiled when her tears knew no end.

So I'm gonna hold my head up high and brace through whatever it may come with a smile and a cherry thought. :)

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."

~ Herm Albright~

Have a blessed and wonderful day people! :D

A Road of Alabaster Stones

Currently Listening to:

If I Were A Boy

by

Beyonce

Last week was TOUGHNESS in the making. But by the grace of God, I lived through it and is currently breathing and alive. :D

Been so exhausted (literally did not sleep a wink the day before TVC assignment was due) that my muka got all 'hantu-ry' and black. Hahaha.... But the worst is over.... OR SO I THOUGHT???

Before I knew it, Campaign Management's Final Presentation on United Voice's Communication plan (proposal) to Miss Doris and United Voice itself was just ticking moments away. :S And the cherry to top it was that I forgot I was appointed to do the presentation. -_-"

So tonite's another night of work before meeting up for another group presentation/assignment meeting tomorrow.

And I won't even mention that I still have yet to study for my TVC final exam. :(

Sure the storm is over but the rain is still as heavy.

But I can make it!!!

Gambate Philee, the Potato supports you! :D

All the best everyone (I know many are having final exams and assignments too) and God bless!

Please don't blow the summer wind away....

Currently Listening to:

Won't Let You Fall

by

Fergie

(OST: Poseidon)

I don't mean to be a MELODRAMATIC princess here but I mean every detail when I say that I am really having a tough week. More like tough month! But then again, this week is the worst.


Sick - have been for more than a week! (sore throat, flu, cough, phlegm, headaches) + endless stress + tiredness + group assignment meetings + campaign management major end project + TVC final assignment (CAN'T focus now!) + upcoming TVC final exam (YET to study!)+ very dried up = I NEED SOME SERIOUS LOVE!!!!




I don't really know how to handle stress well cause naturally I am not a stressful person nor do I get stressed easily (and usually I don't let it get to me). If you know me well, I'm basically a mellow person who does not take herself too seriously (in other words, I'm not a critical person - which is why I am always so smiley and cherry). Hence.... if I say I'm stressed, means its a big deal (for me at least) and I'm really cracking out!


Lord I need You!!! I needs Your peace, wisdom, understanding, knowledge, strength and joy. Take all that is ill and sick away from my body in Jesus name and grant me a clear mind to think for my studies.



p/s: To dearie Alexis Lim Ying Hui.... thank you for being such a blessing to me. Your care, encouragement and support sustained me through my trying moments. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Heart ya lots!

Leaping Beans In My Soul....

Currently Listening to:

In Dreams

(accustic version)

by

Lena Park

I gotta keep walking on....

With a steadfast heart.

Step by step faithfully,

Not looking back.

So don't fall,

Don't lose sight.

Keep it together,

I know I'll make it through.

****

The Wilderness of a Heart

Currently Listening to:

When You Say Nothing At All

by

Ronan Keating

(OST: Notting Hill)

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."

The Bubbles of my Dream

Currently Listening to:

Lover, Come Back To Me!

by

Barbara Streisand

"I had a beautiful dream this morning....

.... but a horrible 'revelation' in the evening."

For whom does the wind cry for?

A little depressed....

.... just a little.

Blur Sotongs In My Tank!

Argh!!!

I hate headaches!!!

I hate PMS!!!

Bohohohohohooo...!!!

I've had, am having and will be having one sucky day!

I can't do anything right or for long.

My headache is bugging me like red ants to a rambutan tree!

I can't watch TV for long nor even go online for more than half an hour. I can't even read a decent chapter of online manga without smoothering myself to my bolster for mental comfort.

OMGosh... it feels terrible.

I didn't even go for "Vibe" tonight because of my headache! :P

Is it really PMS??? Or am I just plain sick? Me mum and aunt said I felt hot (like fever) but I feel fine, I think. Sometimes I feel kinda nauseous and my back neck aches too.

I took a Panadol yesterday and a Bayer Aspirin today... still no effect. :(

Okay, I gotta stop now... headache taking its toll...

A 'bugger' told me that maybe there's a midget in my head bugging me...

O the Strawberry-ness of Me!

Currently Listening to: Let Me Lie by Hayley Westenra.

The Potato seems rather reluctant to start blogging and posting pictures of her 5th day in Cambodia. Perhaps, it's her laziness to edit the sizes of the photos? The nonchalant manner in trying to upload them? The divided views in whether to put them in parts? The little dizziness that has lingered in her left temple since yesterday? Or just PMS???

Don't mess with the 'kitty'!

I know PMS is a very common trade among girls and women and expecially me as it never seem to ever leave me alone every month. Emo-ness, cramps, back aches, lethargicness...etc. It seems to be a bl**dy annoying cycle.... wait, it's more than a cycle! It's an evolving cycle that gets worst. I recall the first PMS I had to go through when I first started to "age biologically".

First was cramps... VERY BAD cramps, in my early teens. Then 'heaviness' (lack of energy) came in... making me feel like a slug in school then whenever 'strawberry' came. In mid teen, emotions ran wild and that's when life is suddenly a big soap opera. And before I knew it... after the teen phrase (when the big 2-0 age comes to the picture), back aches start to attack as if osteoperosis jacked my spine. And now... in this very month, I've just discovered a new symptom...a very annoying one at that... headaches!!! Plus them altogether and you'll get a circus of disasters ni ya!

I never knew that headaches were a form of PMS cause I never had it nor knew anyone who did. Most girls I know commonly and usually only have cramps and emo-ess but on my case... it just keeps piling up. I have an annoying case of dizziness and head roller-coaster yesteryday noon and thought that maybe it was due to my contact lenses of something else. The fact that it was PMS never crossed my mind till Mdm Yiang told me. Hmmm.... I couldn't think about it much then for as I returned home, I immediatly dropped 'dead' on the bed and zero-ed out for the next 5 hours. Actually, it didn't really zzzz for real but just half concious lying on the bed as the headache did not permit me to doze off. It was wrecky!

And today... my head is giving me the same knocking on my temples. So get it all straight, I went online to search for the answers. And guess what, it is a PMS symptom. And I learned more... that PMS does 'evolve' and adds on more symptoms in life as you grow/age. Which freaking explains, why each phase of my life seems to be getting worse during 'strawberry'. So much for cramps, emo-ness, back aches, and a sluggy body... now I have to as headaches to the list!!! Darn! But at least I'm not that bad.... errr.. am I? I found out there are a lot more PMS symptoms and thankfully I'm not having them (YET????)... but as it states, it does pile up as you age. A few of them are acne (walau), bloating and tender breasts... which errr.. I don't think I have (nor want to have - sekarang also pening d every month).

Girl's rules and rocks but it isn't easy being one...

For reference and more:

http://health.yahoo.com/women-overview/premenstrual-syndrome-pms-topic-overview/healthwise--hw139442.html

Black Lilies in Tears

Currently Listening to: When You Look Me In The Eyes by The Jonas Brothers.


At last, after much editing, procastination, and time, I've decided to post on Day 4 on my Trip in Cambodia. By now, we would've been in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia and the touring all begins! One of the must see and 'prominet' places to visit for tourists is the Toulseng Genocide Museum and Choeungek Genocidal Centre.

Just to brief you with a little Cambodian History and the protagonist who enslaved it:

Saloth Sar (May 19, 1925 – April 15, 1998), also known as Pol Pot, was leader of the communist movement known as the "Khmer Rouge" (which roughly means "Red Khmer Tribe", from Rouge, the French for red, and Khmer, the name of a tribe of ancient Cambodia). He was the Prime Minister of Cambodia (officially renamed Democratic Kampuchea under his rule) from 1976 to 1979, having been de facto leader since mid-1975. During his time in power Pol Pot imposed a version of agrarian collectivization whereby city dwellers were relocated to the countryside to work in collective farms and forced labor projects with the goal of restarting civilization in "Year Zero". The combined effect of slave labour, malnutrition, poor medical care and executions had an estimated death toll of 750,000 to 1.7 million (approximately 26% of the population at that time).[1]

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot)


Let's just say this Pol Pot guy was a mean, cruel and malicious dictator that murdered millions of people 30 years ago. Why? Go read wikipedia....haha. Or in my own words, he is just plain crazy!!! He ordered a mass genocide and killed many innocent lives including babies in the name of civilization. Literate and educated people were tortured and killed then as well as every family member. It was a dark time for Cambodia and what I am about to blog and post (pics) may deem to be grim and morbit. So be warned.

This post will only be part one of day two (too many pics) specially focusing on Toulseng Genocide Museum. The next post on part 2 will be on Choeungek Genocidal Centre. This two places are linked cause the museum is where people were tortured (now turned into a museum) and the centre is where they were killed and mass buried.

Usually, I would say "enjoy" but since this is a sad post, I ask you to please 'appreciate' the pictures and the suffering it carries. Try to be a little empathetic and know that we are very blessed to be born in a time of peace and harmony. So here goes:


Day 4 in Cambodia: Toulseng Genocide Museum

This place was originally a school. Yes, a primary school where children were educated. They turned it into a jail and torture place where many people suffered and died. After the end of the Khmer Rouge Regime, this place was turned into a Museum for tourists and to served as a reminder to the Cambodian people that such tragedy has once took place.

I humbly ask you to please click and enlarge the image to read.... It may seem 'mah fan', no care or nonchalant, but it does matter. And we should not ignore cruelty and malice but learn to install more kindness after reading such tragedy. Please do so for the other 'reading' pictures. Thank you.

What was used for students to exercise was used to hang and torture people. Innocent people.

A raw picture hung in a 'classroom' where a man was tortured badly. Yes, this was how it looked like in every 'classroom' (a torture chamber) then. And there I was, standing in there....

How it looks like now. Imagine what it was 30 years ago.... you can actually still see blood stains on the walls...

Another cruel thing about the Khmer Rouge Regime is that they forced young and uneducated youths to torture and kill the victims (educated people). Yeap, if they refused, they would be killed and hence, many did it in order to survive. These are the pictures of the infortunate teenages that were forced to inflict harm to others.

GUYS

GIRLS

This men however are the victims that were photographed before being tortured... (Note, if one kena, the whole family kena also)

I took many pictures hung on the wall (real pics of the torture then)

And this is where they photograph victims being tortured by electric (through their head)

Must hurt!

I took many pictures of this woman (in the museum, this pic was really big) because it really touched me. Maybe it was the size of the photo hung on the wall, or the baby she was carrying, but somehow, her sad eyes attracted me and pity just ran through me like a flood. I could practically see the despair and cries in her eyes. If you click and enlarge it, you will see... what I mean.



What's special bout this picture is that this is a little girl, probaly aged 6-8. She was one of the innocent and uneducated youths who were forced to inflict torture upon the people she knew (victims).... How sad is that? :(

The Victims clothes

Bars used to 'cage' the legs and hans of the victims.

Tools used to torture the victims.

Every classroom... turned into a nightmare of torture rooms...

Visitors and tourists are permitted to leave some words in the museum....

My words...

Confessions of the victims...

A poem on the Khmer Rouge Regime.... please read it.

********

The next post will be on Choeungek Genocidal Centre where the victims who were tortured (in the school turned museum (Toulseng)) were brought there to be brutally killed and mass burried.

p/s: this post and the next will be in black (unlike the usual colourful fonts) in respect to the those who have suffered and died in the cruel reign of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge Regime.