The Light in my darkness

Currently Listening:

White Horse

by

Taylor Swift

I am so scared.

So so scared.

I feel like my lungs are tightening and choking my heart.

I can't breathe.

I want to scream.

I want to cry....

But I can't do anything.

I feel tired.

I feel sick.

I feel lost.

I feel so numb.

****

I need you Lord....

I know I am unworthy

But please take me in, do not abandon me.

Forgive me and give me peace for Your will.

Lead me to Your ways and strengthen my heart and faith in You.

To infinity and beyond~!

Currently Listening to:

The buzzing sounds of KDU Square cafetaria at 8am in the morning.

It's the first day of my finals exams. The beginning of the end.

And here I am sitting here with my Princess Coconut laptop (need it to study, all my notes are softcopy!) trying to study for my upcoming Communication & Conflict Management final exam at 9am (an hours time). But alas! I am not studying, rather blogging my morning through as my head is neither here nor there.

I have not finished studying yet *screams* and yes I know it's an hour away, yet I feel so un-needed to do so. Am I plunging myself into a serious abyss of doom? Or am I just too over-mellow to realise that my neck is on the line for this exam?

I feel peace.

But yet my conciousness is screaming "You're dead!"

I am awfully terrified and yet feeling like my soul is flying to Candyland where the Candy Clown is welcoming me like sugar and butter before devouring me whole (watch IT?)

So I am 'chilling' now while knowing later I am 'doomed'!

Btw, note to self, great analogy, gotta use it often (lame I know).

I wanna scream help but at the same time know that I was in the process of 'cari mati sendiri' cause I am not studying!

And to make matters worse, I barely slept last nite. What did I do then?

Was trying and struggling to study!!!

I gave up bout 4am something and knock myself dead on the bed and then started to realise half way through that I kept waking up non-stop cause my mind was just too worried and gila to sleep. Now ladies and gentleman, sleeping has never been a problem for me before. Even during past exams, I slept like a rock, nay, like a grizzly bear during winter!

But now, all I can think about is the exam and how to study for it (which I am still failing to do now). It's like I am so conflicted and pulled-apart! Argh! So drama! :P

Okay, I think I gtg now. Need to try to study and pray!

"Lord I submit today's paper to You. Let it be Thy will. Forgive me for my sins of laziness, procastination and disobediance. Thank you for Your forgiveness, love, grace and mercy. I am Yours. Grant me the spirit of wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Bless me with a peace of mind and an attentive spirit. Go ahead of me and may Your favour be upon me. I commit my exams unto You in Jesus's name, Amen!" :D

Blur Sotongs In My Tank!

Argh!!!

I hate headaches!!!

I hate PMS!!!

Bohohohohohooo...!!!

I've had, am having and will be having one sucky day!

I can't do anything right or for long.

My headache is bugging me like red ants to a rambutan tree!

I can't watch TV for long nor even go online for more than half an hour. I can't even read a decent chapter of online manga without smoothering myself to my bolster for mental comfort.

OMGosh... it feels terrible.

I didn't even go for "Vibe" tonight because of my headache! :P

Is it really PMS??? Or am I just plain sick? Me mum and aunt said I felt hot (like fever) but I feel fine, I think. Sometimes I feel kinda nauseous and my back neck aches too.

I took a Panadol yesterday and a Bayer Aspirin today... still no effect. :(

Okay, I gotta stop now... headache taking its toll...

A 'bugger' told me that maybe there's a midget in my head bugging me...

O the Darling-ness of Me!

"Yellow me away...."

I need my RUBBER DUCKIE!

A Pocket Full Of Sunshine

Currently Listening to:

I Won't Say (I'm In Love)

by

The Cheetah Girls

(OST: Hercules)

Drinking: Boh's instant green tea with lime...

Watching: Alias on AXN....

Ate: Half of a self-made tuna sandwich and several tea spoons of baked beans....

Facial Expression: Grinning like a lunatic....

Mood: Lazy yet dreamily 'angau'.....

Contemplating: If I should be rajin and do some house chores (or simply leave it for tomorrow).... :P

Thinking: Of some surreally stupid yet blissful nonsense....

Hoping: For more smiles in my life!

What I need: A little sunshine in YOUR life!

(When you have sunshine, I have brightness. So shine away!)

What I want: World Peace and World SMILES!!! :D

Where I wanna be: In cuddly wuddly arms... *pictures future boyfriend*

Adores: My darling bunnies! I just wanna smoother them with my kisses!!

Crushing: On my 'hubby' o-so-smelly-but-adoring-bolster! I am so attached to it! :P

Crazy: About retardedness.... @$#%?$&*/!

Wishing: For ever ever after....!!

Loves: SMILES!!!! :D

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Have a beautiful day!

God bless!

Hugs!

Love ya!

Bubbling Butterflies

Currently Listening to:

Geu Deh Ji Geum

by

Lim Jung Hee

(OST: Full House)

I am a somewhat troubled inside.

A little.

Maybe just a little teeny weeny bit troubled.... I think.

Or not?

It's been bugging me non-stop, putting me on private emotional fits and fustration just envelopes my emotions all day.

Is that a lot or little?

Cause I keep thinking it's okay (or it's gonna be okay) and it will past soon in time.

But I can't help it... I can't help feeling icky and fustrated.

The feeling is terrible!

And at the same time I feel sad, upset and emotional. I'm pretty sure PMS is way gone and 'I'm fine'. But some things happening lately has just seem to get me in the nerves very badly. Not just one matter but more. And it all turns into a conflicted battle that just drives me crazy! Ripping me apart and tormenting my sanity!

I just wanna run away to my own wonderland and pretend I am a bubbly retard where my world only revolves around rainbows, flowers, butterflies and beautiful weather. And no one can disturb me!

***Cheers to retardedness!***

"Pretend you don't know and just keep on living!"