Stardust....

Currently Listening to:
No Greater Love
by

Rachel Lampa

"I'm okay.... right???"

"Are you?"

The Mirror of My Dreams

I am back!!!!

Cambodia was great! Was in Siem Reap and Phnom Penh for 3 days each (6 days total) and I totally enjoyed every minte of it. It was a culture shock too but hey... that's what I love bout oversea vacations, we learn more about culture, life and people!

This is not an official post of my holiday in Cambodia but just to inform that I dah balik la...haha and alive at that! LOL!

Pictures galore will come much later.... Imagine finishing 2G of memory in the camera in just the second day.....FUYOH! Hahaha... I guess you can imagine the amount of pics....

Bad news is... the cam or memory card seems to be a bit cacat..... half of the pics can't be viewed or opened in the laptop!!!! Something like kena corrupted or what.... :( :( :(

*SOB SOB!!!*

But it still can be viewed through the camera (padahal the file in the laptop can't buka!). I am sorta devastated and freaking sad wei.... it's half of the pics.... A LOT WEI!!!! Sumore.... the pictures of the other temples including Bayon (my fav) temple is missing!!!! But the small good news is that the pics from Angkor Wat is safe and can be viewed. But still.....!!!!! 2G and half of it can't buka!!! that's 1G worth of pics and videos.... :(

My dad said he'll find someone to fix it and that I didn't need to fret over it but still.....!!!!! I tak tenang la... so sayang if betul rosak the pics/files. REALLY LO.....!!!

But since it can be viewed from the camera... hopefully all will be ok....at the camera shop.... harap they can extract that file....

Anyways.... I have lots to tell bout my trip.... it was really exciting and an eye-opener... :P

Hopefully I can get the remaining pics punya file before I can blog about it properly...

Have a nice day and God bless!

To show you a glimpse of what is to come.... ain't it paradise???!! :D I took this pic on my own... hahaha... At last... a pic of my own in which I can proudly say, it's NICE! :D

A Puzzle of Thoughts....

Currently Listening to:

Amazing Grace (My Chains Have Gone)

by

Chris Tomlin

(OST: Amazing Grace the movie).

Currently Doing:

- Downloading manga... (titled: Birthday Songs 4/1)

- Browsing through mangafox.com for new manga to read...

- Reading Maimiko Touko no Jikenbo manga...

- Thinking if I'm getting really addicted to manga and if I'll survive on... :P

- Having a minor brain tension which should be cured with some peace and slumber...

- Mentally jumble-ed up and needs a good old teddy bear hug...

- Contemplating randomly in an insane way on whether I should shave my head bald to 'balance myself'...

- Wondering what a hocus pocus-ly horrible person I am and needs to be send to a locked up tower in a convent high up a mountain for some life reflection with God. I'm feeling like a guilty rat now against crimes to myself and Him....

- Need to depend on Him more!!! PRAY!!

- Sulking in my own way and realising I need to think and wonder less in life... I need action and determination!

Have a blessed weekend people!

Bubbling Butterflies

Currently Listening to:

Geu Deh Ji Geum

by

Lim Jung Hee

(OST: Full House)

I am a somewhat troubled inside.

A little.

Maybe just a little teeny weeny bit troubled.... I think.

Or not?

It's been bugging me non-stop, putting me on private emotional fits and fustration just envelopes my emotions all day.

Is that a lot or little?

Cause I keep thinking it's okay (or it's gonna be okay) and it will past soon in time.

But I can't help it... I can't help feeling icky and fustrated.

The feeling is terrible!

And at the same time I feel sad, upset and emotional. I'm pretty sure PMS is way gone and 'I'm fine'. But some things happening lately has just seem to get me in the nerves very badly. Not just one matter but more. And it all turns into a conflicted battle that just drives me crazy! Ripping me apart and tormenting my sanity!

I just wanna run away to my own wonderland and pretend I am a bubbly retard where my world only revolves around rainbows, flowers, butterflies and beautiful weather. And no one can disturb me!

***Cheers to retardedness!***

"Pretend you don't know and just keep on living!"

Dancing With Fire and Twirling in Darkness

Currently Listening to:

Terlalu Istimewa
by

Adibah Noor

"Some say, the safest place is where the most dangerous is."

"Yes, and there is where I feel the safest....."

"....avec vous."

Tit Bits of Her....

Currently Listening to:

Kau Ada Dia

by

The Lima

(OST: Sepi)

"Don't you just hate it when your heart betrays you?"

Dancing Lilies on Rocky Mountains...

Currently Listening to: Now We Are Free by Lisa Gerrad and Hans Zimmer.

"As hard as stones may be, it can still be removed."

"You can't break it but you can take it away."

~P

Whispering voices in my head!

I am an idiot!!!

I am so not okay!

Now...currently

Hi....
This post is random... no purpose and no I will not upload pics (even when I sorta have tonnes to put up).
Im a little lazy, tired, eye-strained, emo and weird.
Why?
Cause I just am....
Or is it the bumpy life I have during holidays?
Unfit lifestyle and low self esteem?
Emotionally unstable and clueless?
Alien DNA? Or am I mutating?
Getting blind (or slowly is)?

Okay.....number:

1. I was just contemplating about my vision. I am currently wearing my oh-so-thick-and-super-nerdy glasess cause my overdue contact lenses is straining me eye and there is no one to pick up the new ones from the optical shop. And while I am wearing this pair of expensive (according to my mum) Pink cK - Calvin Klien (or however you spell it) glasses, it hit me that my vision was blur, and more blur than normal. It only means one thing... "gua punya eye power sudah naik AGAIN". And in my case, it is SUPER not good.
Okay...in case you don't know (be prepared to be surprised), my eye power for one eye (last checked) is 1100! And the other eye happends to bear the same "stupid" number too. Meaning I am partically blind without my glasses or my contacts. There you go! Hebat right? "Awesome"? For some of you who don't know, I've started wearing glasses since I was in kindergarden...3 or 4... I think? And according to my mum, I was born with short sightedness (BUMMER!).
Sometimes I get soo used to people getting shocked expressions after asking my power that I actually start to take it as a good thing. Hmm... I kinda get proud... -_-" Weird right? Cause I bet ya don't have it as high as me or ever will.... Unless ure a granny la...(but I am only 20!). So anyway, back to the main point, just now....after putting on my glasses and realising that my vision is blurer than usual (btw..my contacts are much clearer cause they can be changed but not my glasses) I begin to think that what is laser or lasic (whoever you spell it) don't cure me eyes?
In case you are wondering, laser or lasic is something you go through to get rid of wearing glasses or contacts permenantly (too much to explain, but that is the bottomline la and it cost a bomb). And you can only do it after 21. According to my mum I HAVE TO DO IT with my current eyes and vision (or else.... - something bad maybe?) However it doesn't work with some people. And I just thought what if I am those "some people"? What if I can't be cured? Will I go blind in 10 years or less? Cause my power is increasing now and then...and what if it goes up too high till I lose my vision completely? Cause there is no custom contacts to fit me? Or a spectacle heavy enough for me?
Suddenly.... I takut tiba-tiba....
Two of my aunts and a cousin went through laser and they were okay... but none of them had my eye history.
Bottomline is.... *sighs*....
I guess we will only know after Im 21...which is...what? SOON? but not that soon...

2. I am getting EMO! And I don't like it! I am not having PMS and yet my mood swings like the wheather. I cry like a baby sometimes over...err...nvm and sometimes I act like a real retard (and in PUBLIC too)! I am confused emotionally and I think a little disturbed mentally. Maybe I am just going through a phase? Or just.... BAH!

3. I dont really know what I want anymore. Okay... maybe I do? But is it the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? How far am I willing to go? Being stupid is one thing but being pathetic is far worse. I am not indecisive or anything... its just... my head is having a big boxing match with my heart and I am not sure who I want to win (maybe I do?). Pokoknya, maybe I need theraphy or get out of this place. Find some place and cool it off.

4. Aku cantik ke?
Okay, don't answer that. That was random and I just felt like asking it and somehow feel that maybe I am not that bad.... ?
Sometimes I like my reflection but there are times when I don't feel like looking at a mirror. FYI, I like to have my pictures taken - as in take lots of pics with friends and all, but I don't like to look at it and sometimes I don't want anyone to see it! Cause when I do... my SE (self esteem) drops 10 points. Is it just me? Or....

5. I "need" a boyfriend (I can't believe I am typing this) but I refuse to get one... makes sense?
I just want something wonderful forever and not just a fling in a month. But our world is just made of flings now and with my vision, I don't think I can fine the "needle in the hay sack". So I am just waiting for divine intervention (Let His will be done)....
I want to be huggy wuggied... :-(

BUT THEN AGAIN.... I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MEN (EXCEPT FAMILY LA)! CAUSE I AM A TOUGH COOKIE!!!
HENCE I WILL SURVIVE BEING A SPINSTER!!!

Long live reluctant singles ! LOL!!!