God Bless the Broken Road

Broken by Lifehouse.
Original Soundtrack of the motion picture movie "The Time Traveler's Wife".





The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name
I find meaning
I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

If you are broken, I know a Healer who can take away your pain, mend your wounds, repair your brokenness, fill your emptiness and make you whole again. Let me know, I'll love to introduce Him to you. He is always available. :)

Are you broken today?

Within the Wind

Currently Listening to:

From The Inside Out

by

Hillsong.

The Potato realises that she has a tendency to be able to blog in the wee hours of the morning before a big event or trip (refer to previous posts for evidence). Don't ask me, I don't know why. It's 3AM in the morning and I am expected to 'rise and shine' in 3 hours time (6AM!) to get ready for Eaglepoint Damansara's first church camp in Genting View Resort (Praise the Lord for it!)! But here I am again unable to catch ZZZZ and resulting to put my midnight thoughts into virtual words

If you've noticed, the Potato has rarely blogged bout anything personal or private anymore. She used to go all emo on it (boy, when I read my previous blog, I can't help but blush!) and never fails to notify the entire cyber world (those who bother) of her petty little life musings and gaga-ness. But nope, not now anymore. At least not recently or lately. This must be the reason of her lack of updates. She has been so caught up with things; up and down, that she has gotten so weary and almost nonchalant to bother anymore. It's hard enough to sort and contain them properly inside her let alone being able to lay it out straight for the world to see. She guesses that when you grow up, when you encounter another phase or stage, things just change. You try to cope with the new stuff while balancing the old or finding wisdom to know if you should keep it. Is she just being complicated? Or just too plain to be comprehended

NOTE: If you find it hard to understand the language or phrasing of sentences, do excuse the Potato, she has not compose any writings lately and is somehow retardedly unsure of her English. Just fresh off 3 months after her last semester and her brain has already started to rust. How shameful of her. :P

I wish I could put the Potato to sleep.

She needs her sleep.

I need her to sleep.

But recently she's been going through this whole 'phase' whereby she only dozes of after tossing and turning in bed for hours, thinking of the most ridiculuous things and end up having nightmares of it

It's funny really, before this, she was hibernating like a log (after the recovery from the horrible illness couple of weeks ago) all the time and now she could barely remember how to sleep.

Waking up to lingering dreams (nightmares still?) of whatever the world holds for her then just ain't the cupcake starter of her day. No wonder she's a bit sotong lately. 'Otak takde centre'.

There are good days and there are days where they ain't.

But it's okay.

She's okay.

She will be okay.

She may be far from perfect. But she has a perfect God. :)

She just needs to stop dwelling in her weaknesses and start to rely on His stength instead.

I believe in You.

In Your promises in my life.

In Your love and goodness

Forgive me for ever doubting.

Dancing Sunshine :)

Currently Listening to:

Here I Am

by

Leona Lewis

OKAY....

I know it's been light years since I last blogged but hey sometimes life catches up with you and you just gotta deal with it. And I've dealt with it and hence the absence. :)

But also because some loving people who keeps pestering me to clear the cobwebs in my bloggie, tehee...

So where do I start?

What life has held me recently:

- Final of final exams
- Friends
- More friends
- Vacations
- Outings
- Meetings
- Sleepovers
- Makan to the MAX sessions
- Hang outs
- Movies
- Etc

Pretty busy somehow....tehee....

But most of all, God has been good in my life. :D

I have learned that by God being good in my life does not only meant that it is seen in His blessings, my happiness etc, but also in His grace, mercy, joy, perseverance and peace during hard times. The list above may seem nice (and yes, most of them are) but through them, heartbreaks, tears, suffering and pain drove by. I have to admit, I went through the toughest time in my life this very month. But it is through this time where I experience God the most in my life. I learn to surrender and to abide in Him and He delivered me, sustained me, helped me and comforted me. I knew it was Him for I know I wouldn't have made it without Him. I would have broken to pieces but here I am because He is so real in my life. He showered me with grace, peace, joy and rest despite my thundering storm and I know that my God is real and so awesome!

I've learned 2 very important things through this hard month, which was to:

TRUST AND OBEY

To Obey in His will and know that following Him is the right and best thing to do. Even when you don't feel like it, even when it breaks your heart, even when it is against all odds for when you choose to obey, God sees your heart and honours you back (ten fold). All you have to do is obey and His will will be done in your life (And His will/plan is ultimately the BEST). :)

"His will is not for your consideration but your obedience."

(Pastor Shawn Kong)

To Trust that He has the best interest (that is yet to come) for me, that He'll take care of everything, that He is sovereign and I shall not be left lacking. To trust that He will carry my burdens, my worries, my brokenness, and my past. That He will sustain me, provide, bless and love even when I am not at my best. To trust that as long as I obey, depend and faith in Him, it's all gonna be okay and even great too (trials may befall but the joy of the Lord will sustain me). :)

Though hardships are still not over and are bound to get worse, I want to learn to trust and obey in Him. Even when I can't feel Him, even when I can't see the hope and even when I feel like falling. Because ultimately I know that He is in control and that I can still smile and be joyful in Him. :)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
(James 1:2-4)

I thank Him for His grace and mercy. I know He is prunning me now so that I can bloom.
And I will bloom for Him and His glory. :)

I shall update more soon.... hopefully. Tehee...

Have a blessed week and may the Lord shine upon you. :)

The Light in my darkness

Currently Listening:

White Horse

by

Taylor Swift

I am so scared.

So so scared.

I feel like my lungs are tightening and choking my heart.

I can't breathe.

I want to scream.

I want to cry....

But I can't do anything.

I feel tired.

I feel sick.

I feel lost.

I feel so numb.

****

I need you Lord....

I know I am unworthy

But please take me in, do not abandon me.

Forgive me and give me peace for Your will.

Lead me to Your ways and strengthen my heart and faith in You.

To infinity and beyond~!

Currently Listening to:

The buzzing sounds of KDU Square cafetaria at 8am in the morning.

It's the first day of my finals exams. The beginning of the end.

And here I am sitting here with my Princess Coconut laptop (need it to study, all my notes are softcopy!) trying to study for my upcoming Communication & Conflict Management final exam at 9am (an hours time). But alas! I am not studying, rather blogging my morning through as my head is neither here nor there.

I have not finished studying yet *screams* and yes I know it's an hour away, yet I feel so un-needed to do so. Am I plunging myself into a serious abyss of doom? Or am I just too over-mellow to realise that my neck is on the line for this exam?

I feel peace.

But yet my conciousness is screaming "You're dead!"

I am awfully terrified and yet feeling like my soul is flying to Candyland where the Candy Clown is welcoming me like sugar and butter before devouring me whole (watch IT?)

So I am 'chilling' now while knowing later I am 'doomed'!

Btw, note to self, great analogy, gotta use it often (lame I know).

I wanna scream help but at the same time know that I was in the process of 'cari mati sendiri' cause I am not studying!

And to make matters worse, I barely slept last nite. What did I do then?

Was trying and struggling to study!!!

I gave up bout 4am something and knock myself dead on the bed and then started to realise half way through that I kept waking up non-stop cause my mind was just too worried and gila to sleep. Now ladies and gentleman, sleeping has never been a problem for me before. Even during past exams, I slept like a rock, nay, like a grizzly bear during winter!

But now, all I can think about is the exam and how to study for it (which I am still failing to do now). It's like I am so conflicted and pulled-apart! Argh! So drama! :P

Okay, I think I gtg now. Need to try to study and pray!

"Lord I submit today's paper to You. Let it be Thy will. Forgive me for my sins of laziness, procastination and disobediance. Thank you for Your forgiveness, love, grace and mercy. I am Yours. Grant me the spirit of wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Bless me with a peace of mind and an attentive spirit. Go ahead of me and may Your favour be upon me. I commit my exams unto You in Jesus's name, Amen!" :D

Dust and Me

Currently Listening to:

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

by

Micheal Buble

Have you ever felt like days are just crumbling altogether on you and you're just so heavy and layden with mental anguish that breathing has just become a constant struggle? Where emotions can't be delivered coherently and you wonder if your own sanity is stalking you?

Well, sometimes I feel like that....

Non-existant matters start to jab me from every angle and I just can't seem to tell what's going on with myself. I'm not sure of my own character and nonchalant feelings are only an illusion to what my reluctant inner self tries to conceal. But what does it really harbour???

Let me tell you this, I don't really know myself nor do I really want to know.

I'm afraid to open a door and find that petty dust are all that adorns the wailing walls of it. Dust of memories, crumbling dust of thoughts, fine dust of hearty feelings and whimpering dust tears.

And I'm allergic to dust BIG TIME!

Do you know what I need? I need some quiet time - alone? I need to feel the wind on my face, the cool breeze to calm my soul and wintry scent to hide my aches. I need to cuddle with my bolsters and pretend that they were hugging me back. I need.... a hug.... :(

A big and long teddy-wuddy-grizzly-warm huggily cuddle. Preferbly from some bigger size (i need some security)-warm-comfortable-loving-caring human being.

*Self Aawwww....*

Where's my imaginary Mr.Tookie-tookie when I need him?

SMILE PEOPLE! JUST SMILE!

SMILE!!!!

Cause I need it.

Bittersweet Symphony

Currently Listening to:

I Still...

by

Backstreet Boys.

It's okay... It will be okay.

I promise...?

Living Waters

Through His grace

My Lord has not forsaken me.

It is by His grace that through my weaknesses, His power can be seen.

Emotions may crumble, feelings may rumble but I am not alone.

He was there.

He is here.

He will always be here and there.

Handling my feelings

Steps in my Leap....

Currently Listening to:

Someday We'll Know

by

Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman

When you let it go, it goes.

So be gone.

A Shade of Crimson Red

Currently Listening to:

Clair De Lune

by

Debussy



ARGH! I am growing with fustration over my current craze on Edward Cullen, Twilight the movie (I actually miss/rindu a movie!) and all of Stephenie Meyer books on the series! I wanna watch the movie again and I so wanna splurge like a mad junkie on the books (but still too 'kiam-siap' to do so)! :P

It's so 'beautiful' to feel the splendid-ness of a romantic soul again. It makes me want to believe that the splendor of mystery can and will happen. :)

O where is my Edward Cullen?

I'm so in an angau and lovey dovey mood!

P/S: Yiang, miss you la! Hang out soon k?! :)

A Promise of Blessings

Currently Listening to:

Lover's Tears

by

Poon Sow Keng

I feel so jiwang but at the same time kinda trying to be cheerful. It's like despite my jiwang-ness, I am still able to look at the future 'cherry blossoms' awaiting me. I guess that's a good thing, at least I won't get all jiwang-ed completely and fall into a state of depression and self pity. Hehehe, all thanks to Him of His faithfulness, the blessings (friends) he has given me and the promise that I was chosen for greatness in Him (you too)! I'm so blessed. :D

p/s: Fish, hehe... looks like I'm addicted to the 'jiwang' word....hehehe. All credits to you. Love ya babes!

Torns in my head!

Currently Listening to: Because I'm A Girl by Kiss

Squeeze me please!!!

End my agony....

Dreams to Dreams....

Currently Listening to:

You'll Be In My Heart

by

Phil Collins

(OST: Disney Original Movie: Tarzan)

"What'cha gotta say??"

A Bouquet of Wild Daisies

Currently Listening to: Lahaina by The Volcanos (Lilo and Stitch: Island Favourites)


I am blogging again.... yeap. What can I say? It's gotta be PMS or that I am just so freakingly bored and lame. But who cares, sick people have all the time of the day when they not sleeping their heads off. I still can't bring myself to have the motion to blog about my 5th day in Cambodia. Maybe I am still lazy in editing and uploading the pictures but I hope I'll finish it when the 'Strawberry storm' has past.

I feel kinda emo and self concious lately. And yes, you all must know PMS is my constant shadow lately. And maybe that's why my sense of sensitivity has ascended majorly. And I can't help feeling like a pregnant woman with lotsa hormones. I start to get over upset for the tiniest things and tend to over-react inside with over thinking of problems that doesnt exist or shouldn't be. It sucks. A lot. So guys, love your girlfriends more and know you're not the only one suffering and facing the annoyance of PMS (when they throw bitch-fits). It's just the hormones and just so you know, it's what drives you crazy over them too. So all is fair.

Looks like I am going to be on problematic future girlfriend huh? Tehee.... let's hope I will be blessed with one super understanding and loving boyfriend to tolerate me then. LOL!

I despise PMS... it's a 'rotten pumpkin' and I am a constant slave to it... Can't imagine how I'll be when I'm pregnant instead. LOL! Note to self in 5 years time (5 years? who am I kidding?)... Love my husband MORE (Please let me be married then!!! - again, who am I kidding? :P)! LOL!

I am so craving for seaweed now... lotsa crispy Korean or Japanese seaweed... Hmmm mmm...!

Soup too, lotsa nice sweet seaweed soup.... like the one my granny makes. My mouth or should I be more specific, throat; is tasting like some weird stinking anti-biotic and I seriously need some ajinamoto...LOL!

I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and Cashmere Mafia and it was great, love it. Totally superb for a PMS night and it got me all high up and preppy thinking that I might have a chance of making my life into a soap opera. But hey, all I'm lacking if a McDreamy of a boyfriend and a Cashmere coat... or maybe just some elegance in my life.

I think I kinda sound like a sour drama queen. Maybe so, but just for this moment. For once, I wanna bask in my own prima donna-ness... so sue me! But then again, I have this icky feeling that the whole world already hates me for some bitchy reason. :P PMS? You tell me...



You know what I want? What I really really want?

I want someone I can securely cuddle up to and leave all my stuffs behind. Someone who'll give me enough comfort to strip away all my insecurities and just let me be myself wholely in his arms. Someone who knows me, understands me, holds no judgement against me, accepts me and just truly loves me. And me to him. Someone like my.....

my hubby bubby pink bolster!!!!!! :D

Yeap, that's my sayang... for now.
And someday, God's gonna bless me with a real man instead. :)
And I shall wait for that beautiful day to come. :D

"....and then, her PMS just faded away for the night, in sweet thought of His promise to her."

For whom does the wind cry for?

A little depressed....

.... just a little.

O the Strawberry-ness of Me!

Currently Listening to: Let Me Lie by Hayley Westenra.

The Potato seems rather reluctant to start blogging and posting pictures of her 5th day in Cambodia. Perhaps, it's her laziness to edit the sizes of the photos? The nonchalant manner in trying to upload them? The divided views in whether to put them in parts? The little dizziness that has lingered in her left temple since yesterday? Or just PMS???

Don't mess with the 'kitty'!

I know PMS is a very common trade among girls and women and expecially me as it never seem to ever leave me alone every month. Emo-ness, cramps, back aches, lethargicness...etc. It seems to be a bl**dy annoying cycle.... wait, it's more than a cycle! It's an evolving cycle that gets worst. I recall the first PMS I had to go through when I first started to "age biologically".

First was cramps... VERY BAD cramps, in my early teens. Then 'heaviness' (lack of energy) came in... making me feel like a slug in school then whenever 'strawberry' came. In mid teen, emotions ran wild and that's when life is suddenly a big soap opera. And before I knew it... after the teen phrase (when the big 2-0 age comes to the picture), back aches start to attack as if osteoperosis jacked my spine. And now... in this very month, I've just discovered a new symptom...a very annoying one at that... headaches!!! Plus them altogether and you'll get a circus of disasters ni ya!

I never knew that headaches were a form of PMS cause I never had it nor knew anyone who did. Most girls I know commonly and usually only have cramps and emo-ess but on my case... it just keeps piling up. I have an annoying case of dizziness and head roller-coaster yesteryday noon and thought that maybe it was due to my contact lenses of something else. The fact that it was PMS never crossed my mind till Mdm Yiang told me. Hmmm.... I couldn't think about it much then for as I returned home, I immediatly dropped 'dead' on the bed and zero-ed out for the next 5 hours. Actually, it didn't really zzzz for real but just half concious lying on the bed as the headache did not permit me to doze off. It was wrecky!

And today... my head is giving me the same knocking on my temples. So get it all straight, I went online to search for the answers. And guess what, it is a PMS symptom. And I learned more... that PMS does 'evolve' and adds on more symptoms in life as you grow/age. Which freaking explains, why each phase of my life seems to be getting worse during 'strawberry'. So much for cramps, emo-ness, back aches, and a sluggy body... now I have to as headaches to the list!!! Darn! But at least I'm not that bad.... errr.. am I? I found out there are a lot more PMS symptoms and thankfully I'm not having them (YET????)... but as it states, it does pile up as you age. A few of them are acne (walau), bloating and tender breasts... which errr.. I don't think I have (nor want to have - sekarang also pening d every month).

Girl's rules and rocks but it isn't easy being one...

For reference and more:

http://health.yahoo.com/women-overview/premenstrual-syndrome-pms-topic-overview/healthwise--hw139442.html

Black Lilies in Tears

Currently Listening to: When You Look Me In The Eyes by The Jonas Brothers.


At last, after much editing, procastination, and time, I've decided to post on Day 4 on my Trip in Cambodia. By now, we would've been in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia and the touring all begins! One of the must see and 'prominet' places to visit for tourists is the Toulseng Genocide Museum and Choeungek Genocidal Centre.

Just to brief you with a little Cambodian History and the protagonist who enslaved it:

Saloth Sar (May 19, 1925 – April 15, 1998), also known as Pol Pot, was leader of the communist movement known as the "Khmer Rouge" (which roughly means "Red Khmer Tribe", from Rouge, the French for red, and Khmer, the name of a tribe of ancient Cambodia). He was the Prime Minister of Cambodia (officially renamed Democratic Kampuchea under his rule) from 1976 to 1979, having been de facto leader since mid-1975. During his time in power Pol Pot imposed a version of agrarian collectivization whereby city dwellers were relocated to the countryside to work in collective farms and forced labor projects with the goal of restarting civilization in "Year Zero". The combined effect of slave labour, malnutrition, poor medical care and executions had an estimated death toll of 750,000 to 1.7 million (approximately 26% of the population at that time).[1]

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot)


Let's just say this Pol Pot guy was a mean, cruel and malicious dictator that murdered millions of people 30 years ago. Why? Go read wikipedia....haha. Or in my own words, he is just plain crazy!!! He ordered a mass genocide and killed many innocent lives including babies in the name of civilization. Literate and educated people were tortured and killed then as well as every family member. It was a dark time for Cambodia and what I am about to blog and post (pics) may deem to be grim and morbit. So be warned.

This post will only be part one of day two (too many pics) specially focusing on Toulseng Genocide Museum. The next post on part 2 will be on Choeungek Genocidal Centre. This two places are linked cause the museum is where people were tortured (now turned into a museum) and the centre is where they were killed and mass buried.

Usually, I would say "enjoy" but since this is a sad post, I ask you to please 'appreciate' the pictures and the suffering it carries. Try to be a little empathetic and know that we are very blessed to be born in a time of peace and harmony. So here goes:


Day 4 in Cambodia: Toulseng Genocide Museum

This place was originally a school. Yes, a primary school where children were educated. They turned it into a jail and torture place where many people suffered and died. After the end of the Khmer Rouge Regime, this place was turned into a Museum for tourists and to served as a reminder to the Cambodian people that such tragedy has once took place.

I humbly ask you to please click and enlarge the image to read.... It may seem 'mah fan', no care or nonchalant, but it does matter. And we should not ignore cruelty and malice but learn to install more kindness after reading such tragedy. Please do so for the other 'reading' pictures. Thank you.

What was used for students to exercise was used to hang and torture people. Innocent people.

A raw picture hung in a 'classroom' where a man was tortured badly. Yes, this was how it looked like in every 'classroom' (a torture chamber) then. And there I was, standing in there....

How it looks like now. Imagine what it was 30 years ago.... you can actually still see blood stains on the walls...

Another cruel thing about the Khmer Rouge Regime is that they forced young and uneducated youths to torture and kill the victims (educated people). Yeap, if they refused, they would be killed and hence, many did it in order to survive. These are the pictures of the infortunate teenages that were forced to inflict harm to others.

GUYS

GIRLS

This men however are the victims that were photographed before being tortured... (Note, if one kena, the whole family kena also)

I took many pictures hung on the wall (real pics of the torture then)

And this is where they photograph victims being tortured by electric (through their head)

Must hurt!

I took many pictures of this woman (in the museum, this pic was really big) because it really touched me. Maybe it was the size of the photo hung on the wall, or the baby she was carrying, but somehow, her sad eyes attracted me and pity just ran through me like a flood. I could practically see the despair and cries in her eyes. If you click and enlarge it, you will see... what I mean.



What's special bout this picture is that this is a little girl, probaly aged 6-8. She was one of the innocent and uneducated youths who were forced to inflict torture upon the people she knew (victims).... How sad is that? :(

The Victims clothes

Bars used to 'cage' the legs and hans of the victims.

Tools used to torture the victims.

Every classroom... turned into a nightmare of torture rooms...

Visitors and tourists are permitted to leave some words in the museum....

My words...

Confessions of the victims...

A poem on the Khmer Rouge Regime.... please read it.

********

The next post will be on Choeungek Genocidal Centre where the victims who were tortured (in the school turned museum (Toulseng)) were brought there to be brutally killed and mass burried.

p/s: this post and the next will be in black (unlike the usual colourful fonts) in respect to the those who have suffered and died in the cruel reign of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge Regime.