A Bouquet of Wild Daisies

Currently Listening to: Lahaina by The Volcanos (Lilo and Stitch: Island Favourites)


I am blogging again.... yeap. What can I say? It's gotta be PMS or that I am just so freakingly bored and lame. But who cares, sick people have all the time of the day when they not sleeping their heads off. I still can't bring myself to have the motion to blog about my 5th day in Cambodia. Maybe I am still lazy in editing and uploading the pictures but I hope I'll finish it when the 'Strawberry storm' has past.

I feel kinda emo and self concious lately. And yes, you all must know PMS is my constant shadow lately. And maybe that's why my sense of sensitivity has ascended majorly. And I can't help feeling like a pregnant woman with lotsa hormones. I start to get over upset for the tiniest things and tend to over-react inside with over thinking of problems that doesnt exist or shouldn't be. It sucks. A lot. So guys, love your girlfriends more and know you're not the only one suffering and facing the annoyance of PMS (when they throw bitch-fits). It's just the hormones and just so you know, it's what drives you crazy over them too. So all is fair.

Looks like I am going to be on problematic future girlfriend huh? Tehee.... let's hope I will be blessed with one super understanding and loving boyfriend to tolerate me then. LOL!

I despise PMS... it's a 'rotten pumpkin' and I am a constant slave to it... Can't imagine how I'll be when I'm pregnant instead. LOL! Note to self in 5 years time (5 years? who am I kidding?)... Love my husband MORE (Please let me be married then!!! - again, who am I kidding? :P)! LOL!

I am so craving for seaweed now... lotsa crispy Korean or Japanese seaweed... Hmmm mmm...!

Soup too, lotsa nice sweet seaweed soup.... like the one my granny makes. My mouth or should I be more specific, throat; is tasting like some weird stinking anti-biotic and I seriously need some ajinamoto...LOL!

I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and Cashmere Mafia and it was great, love it. Totally superb for a PMS night and it got me all high up and preppy thinking that I might have a chance of making my life into a soap opera. But hey, all I'm lacking if a McDreamy of a boyfriend and a Cashmere coat... or maybe just some elegance in my life.

I think I kinda sound like a sour drama queen. Maybe so, but just for this moment. For once, I wanna bask in my own prima donna-ness... so sue me! But then again, I have this icky feeling that the whole world already hates me for some bitchy reason. :P PMS? You tell me...



You know what I want? What I really really want?

I want someone I can securely cuddle up to and leave all my stuffs behind. Someone who'll give me enough comfort to strip away all my insecurities and just let me be myself wholely in his arms. Someone who knows me, understands me, holds no judgement against me, accepts me and just truly loves me. And me to him. Someone like my.....

my hubby bubby pink bolster!!!!!! :D

Yeap, that's my sayang... for now.
And someday, God's gonna bless me with a real man instead. :)
And I shall wait for that beautiful day to come. :D

"....and then, her PMS just faded away for the night, in sweet thought of His promise to her."

This moment in this day

"I AM...."
I am just so..... *can't find a word for it*

I am feeling tonnes of things at a single moment and it is CHOKING me! Literally! My insides feel so heavy and my intakes of breathe are short and forced. They are all just flooding me endlessly. Everything, everyone....

Everything seemed so clusttered..... like it is eating me alive.

The comforting thing I can think of doing to myself to just to dunk my entire self - especially my head into a pool of water! Like a swimming pool and just stay there till I forget that I need to breathe. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to kill myself or drown. But I just want to submerge into some tranquility before the sky hits my very head!

People are so.... and I am soo....
And life goes on .....

Who gives in ? Who makes way? Who witstands it all? Who bites it all in ?
If not me?

Maybe it is a good thing, a big thing. But a balloon can only go so big.

These are the time when you wished you were invinsible, when you can just fly away and not come back.
But you can't, you can't leave others to suffer on your account or even alone.

No matter how much we try, it will never be enough.

But still, we keep pushing, we push ourselves for the sake of others, for the ones we care and love.
It is tiring, it always is.... for we are only human.
However, in the end we find out that we live for others and not ourselves.

Who will be be then?

It feels like the inner "me" is brewing a cauldron of "soup".
A soup full with:

Regrets - no regrets - aggravation- aggitated - tired- restles - annoyed - mundane - worried - confuse - has a prick in the butt - lifeless - colourless - fake

And through it all, the "soup" just end up being the starter for a full PMS main course!

Okay, I am not blaming it on PMS, or maybe I just have it since it is almost time for "strawberies to grow".... but with everything just rushing into me lately, I feel like this the time where my "smiles" are tested.

"There is so much to say but only so few to be heard...." - random self quote

How I wish it to be so....