This moment in this day

"I AM...."
I am just so..... *can't find a word for it*

I am feeling tonnes of things at a single moment and it is CHOKING me! Literally! My insides feel so heavy and my intakes of breathe are short and forced. They are all just flooding me endlessly. Everything, everyone....

Everything seemed so clusttered..... like it is eating me alive.

The comforting thing I can think of doing to myself to just to dunk my entire self - especially my head into a pool of water! Like a swimming pool and just stay there till I forget that I need to breathe. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to kill myself or drown. But I just want to submerge into some tranquility before the sky hits my very head!

People are so.... and I am soo....
And life goes on .....

Who gives in ? Who makes way? Who witstands it all? Who bites it all in ?
If not me?

Maybe it is a good thing, a big thing. But a balloon can only go so big.

These are the time when you wished you were invinsible, when you can just fly away and not come back.
But you can't, you can't leave others to suffer on your account or even alone.

No matter how much we try, it will never be enough.

But still, we keep pushing, we push ourselves for the sake of others, for the ones we care and love.
It is tiring, it always is.... for we are only human.
However, in the end we find out that we live for others and not ourselves.

Who will be be then?

It feels like the inner "me" is brewing a cauldron of "soup".
A soup full with:

Regrets - no regrets - aggravation- aggitated - tired- restles - annoyed - mundane - worried - confuse - has a prick in the butt - lifeless - colourless - fake

And through it all, the "soup" just end up being the starter for a full PMS main course!

Okay, I am not blaming it on PMS, or maybe I just have it since it is almost time for "strawberies to grow".... but with everything just rushing into me lately, I feel like this the time where my "smiles" are tested.

"There is so much to say but only so few to be heard...." - random self quote

How I wish it to be so....