It's been sometime since I sit in the college computer lab so early in the morning. And I kind of miss the feeling. The feeling of doing whatever I want alone in a huge room full of people I dont know. :)
But this doesn't happen often, for since all of my classes are in the afternoon, this is as good as it gets. It is refreshing here, listening to my MP3, with Pearl Harbour's OST ringing in my ear, giving me the soothness of soul in "Tennesse".
There is so much to be said, so much to be heard and so much to "suck" in....
It is as if my life is blowing up with so many miniature matters that just clustters my head upside down. And I just don't know where to begin...
For starters, I had one of the most horrible dream I had since I was a little girl, I freaked out big time. But I am not going to state what happened, just glad it was a dream.. more like a nightmare!
College is sitll very much hectic. It is only the second week and I am sorta struggling to keep on and understand stuff. My first assignment is a totaly blur, and I might just get zero for it :P But it is only 2.5%..... still, eventhough every mark counts, I just can't seem to bother. I am just so restless and tired inside.
Sometimes I feel like this:
Like just siting in a little cup fit for me....
Just hiding in there and keeping the O-so-cluttered-world away from me.
Maybe I just some sayang la...
I had a refreshing conversation with Jon the other day and some words just struck me, hard. And it was so true, as if everything he said was implemented for me. I cant quote him exactly, but a sentence got me here: "When you kill something in you, a part of your soul dies" (something like that, concept la). And that "something" isnt anything bad la, just not meant to be there at the moment (but essential to us at the same time).
And it got me there, right then. It was a phrase that describe what I was feeling inside.
Since everything.... I just start killing "it" all in me.... sometimes forcefully, bluntly and even reluctantly. All for the sake to be "right in life". And sometimes I feel that if I keep doing that, I am not going to get it back in the near future when it is time for me to embrace it permanantly.
Bottomline, sometimes I refuse to "Kill" it all because I am afraid I would lose the spark in me..... And that spark is the thing that keeps me going most of the time...
Dont get it, nvm. Its personal anyway....
And it is so hard to kill.... would you kill the kitty?
Or maybe give it away???
I guess it ain't my kitty to keep....
"Parting is such sweet sorrow...."
But I suppose it is the Lord's will and everything will fall into place in the right time.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all else shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)
"Ther right thing in the wrong time is a wrong thing" -Joshua Harris; I kissed dating goodbye
(not direct quote)
I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back....!
Wake up Philee Tan!!! The race has already begun!
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