For now...

Yesterday night, me dad and I went for The King and I musical! Weeeee...!!!!
It was great! The singing was awesome and the Thai dance was ever so dainty and elegant. The ballroom waltz between Anna and the King was spectacular! All in all, I enjoyed it. It was almost like the cartoon version! LOL!

Just came back from MidValley with my bro. I used my allowances to buy Joshua Bell's - Romance of the Violin - one of his first albums that made him famous! After so long, at last I am not so kedekut in purchasing the original and imported CD anymore! LOL! I was contemplating if I should get the latest album instead - Voice of the Violin. But however better start from bottom and go all the way up! :) *grins* - listening to it now!

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Okay...time again to let it all out! About my previous post.... I am sorry for some vile and wrenching words. As much as I do feel bad bout about it, I do not regret it. For I was very much upset and in a time of anger. Not only so, it was what I felt then and I have made a decision in not storing everything inside anymore. I am tired of just nodding and keeping quiet in matters that affect me when is not of my wrong account - after so many times. I know it has been a burden/problem (for you) for all this commotion, believe me if it is possible, I would have it go another way. But since it has all come to an end, we might as well end it "properly". I am not a servant in where you can just "dismiss" me like that. I may be the FOOL again! But this time, I'm through.

So, I will be waiting. FYI, for your call. Just one last call where you clarify everything yourself to me! And by not by your friends and not their reasons! I want it to be from you, with the naked truth. You have a problem with me, you say it! And I know you have no problem doing it. Please, consider me begging you to save a small ounce of conscience for me the last time. You owe me that much after everything.

If there is something you have to say to retaliate or counter back, whatever it is, please tell it to me yourself. For your friends words are no where near my reasonings. Let's just settle it ourselves once and for all and let it be PERMANENT! I am tired and I think you would just want it all to be over too so you can live your so-nice life now. So please, just call and explain it all. After that we will just get the peace we both need. That's all I am asking you....

But it is all okay... I just want to hear it from you, one last time. And then done, settled. How hard can it be? To end it all properly? At least then it would be sealed and there will be nothing between us in the future. No more worries....and just live our lives. So please.... just call. Cause through it all, I do care, so much for you despite everything! You may just let it go like nothing, but it means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me. And I am just letting you throw it all away now, and its ok, I WILL back off - only if you give me a proper and real explanation yourself!

I am sorry I am not understanding enough to "handle" this! I am through trying to understand when you won't even give me a chance to do so. If you find it all this so troublesome and restless, well I can tell you so do I ! I haven't had an ounce of peace since it all happened. So let's just be civilised people and end it properly. For you and me, thats all. VERY SIMPLE! I won't rest untill you call so please have some "mercy" and end it well for me. After that, you get all the peace you want! THANK YOU!

p/s: May be you are doing the right thing by breaking it off and if you think all this is necessery, than as a "friend" and someone who cares, I will go with it and support your decision. If I am a problem in your life, I will gladly go away (but dont put all the blame on me)! But please, do the right thing in a right way. - No matter what your destination is for the better good of yourself or others, it is not worth it if the journey you is take is in a wrong way.... (simple meaning: I wouldnt want "peace" that can only be obtained by the killing of innocent people - get the concept?). You want out, do it the right way - no matter how much sh*t you are in, that doesn't justify your actions now. Please dont think only for yourself. Some people actually care! Yes, I am making it a big deal out of it, cause it is a big deal for me! - You have no idea how much this is affecting me...

I am sorry for everything....I really am.

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Dear "M". I am sorry you had to get caught in the middle like you used to. And I am more sorry that you caught in this now. I am sorry you had to be a "middle person". I am NOT sorry that you are someone else's best friend - I wouldn't want it any other way. I am sorry I had raised my voice to you and said some things which are not pleasant. It was not intentional but please do know that I was very upset then you were in no way sensitive to it. I am sorry that I was mad and at a point loathed you for the things you said in a you-put-the-blame-on-me manner. You know nothing of how I feel, so don't judge me!

I treasure you a lot as a friend (I do) and would hate it to be "goncang-ed" by all this. I assure you, I wanted you to be no part of all this mess. But as you are someone else's best friend, you are also my good friend/buddy. I am not asking you to choose sides - and even when you are not on mine, its ok, I understand. But just dont act like you are against me. Some of your words are just too sharp, and for a moment there I felt like I was an enemy, like I didnt know you (or perhaps all this time I never did - nor have you to me) at all. I am sorry if Im "perasan" or over sensitive, but you mean a lot to me too. And I would hate it if things are off with us too. But I have to make it clear about everything for I wouldnt want our friendship to be based on untold secrets and lies - unlike the "other".

If you have something unrest with me, please do tell me as I will to you (as I did yesterday night). But if you think you are not up with it after all this now, I understand too. For what its worth, you were a great friend to me and if you think you cant be it anymore, fine by me. But at least, be a bigger person and tell me that yourself with an explanation. If you "tak suka" just say - cause yesterday it seemed far from fine. Anyway, just wanted to clarify things. So I know if I should talk to you or not when I see you next Monday. Losing one friend is bad enough, losing another is just.... nvm. Life goes on. Cant handle it anymore.

*Huggies*

God bless you all....

And through it all I love the both of you (as good friends) very much!

But I can only go so far as one person...

Let His will be done...

p/s: Just please call...one last time for us.