The wind in me

First and foremost, THANKS, GLORY AND PRAISE BE GIVEN TO THE LORD ALMIGHTY CHRIST JESUS!!!

For He is worthy and so much more!

The worse of the week is over! Communication Research assignment 3 and Screen Text assignment is done, submitted and OVER! Yeah baby!

I have never spend the whole day literally in my room just doing my assignments! It only required me to write a MERE sum of 5000 words! (Yes, "very little la I know!") But I managed to finish it in 8 hours...which was okay right? Since I have myself a 12 hour quota.

Hello, not easy k? Reading a 15 page long question/article and all, plus needs reference from text book, theories, bla bla bla....

One straight random shout out from me: Degree sucks!!! I can't believe we are paying so much money for the university to torture us!

But "word crapping" prevails still... hence, habis pun! Again, YEAH!!!

But then again... with all words summed up, I was not where near the targeted amount of words, but fear NOT! For it was already (in my opinion) sufficient (kot?)!

So I have the weekend to relax and be lazy Philee till I have the courage to "wake up" and start my 2 o-so-freaking-long-and-complicated-which-I-don't-know-how-to-start journals for Screen Text and Public Relations!

Not to mention another 3000 words for another on-coming campaign management PR assignment!

BLUEK!!!

Have I shouted out I NO LIKE DEGREE?! (Yes the grammer error was purposeful!)

Anyway... college is over for the week so I shall not whine on it....

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Let's talk about violin class today!!

Not bad, didn't get much errr... bad comments as last week. Hehehe.... was ok, played some nice tunes today with new songs. :D

And as usual, my left fingers are rather sore today... but no biggie, it is worth it. :)

By the way, I have two very interesting and amusing (at least to me) quotes today from my violin Teacher Miss Chuang:

"You are there, just not there yet!"

(LOL)

"Don't play like pasar malam pyjamas!"

(Double LOL).

Reason to that second quote is because I played a new song today that was suppose to be a seductive song called "Sweet Loraine" (cant remember by whom). And Ms Chuang vividly, in a amusing manner demonstrated how the song should be played in a dramatic style. LOL.

She said and acted: "Imagine late night in the pub, sexy lady lying on the piano wearing black stockings and heels along with a black dress singing...bla bla bla..... " - LOL

"This is how the song is, don't play like pasar malam pyjamas."

Get the point?

The song is suppose to be played in a seductive way (sexy black clothes) and I was told don't be a robot...hahaha (pasar malam pyjamas).

*Compare both "garments"*

Then soon later, I played this another song "Rumba" in which again my delighting violin teacher again took the sweet effort in dramatising it out (to let me get the "feel" of the song) before "performing it together".

Hence, we "danced" in class a little....LOL!

For real, she grabbed me and did a Tango before getting into a Waltz and finally down to the Rumba (in a funny and messy way of course).

And the song played later turned out pretty well! I got the beat and "zam-ed" it (if I do say so myself).... :D (cheers to both me and Ms. Chuang)

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I miss my dad :(

He is in San Fransisco, USA now for work for weeks to come. And before that he was in Netherlands, Holland before coming back for a few days in which he had to go to Ipoh. And now after US, when he returns home, he will soon depart to Singapore pula....

Holland-Ipoh-USA-Singapore (continuously)

But after all the travelling and work, he will have a month of leave in which he will get to spend it with me, yeah! We are gonna do adventure stuffs together again!!

But for now... I miss my dad.... and his big teddy bear hugs!!

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I feel like (currently):

- dancing around (like an idiot as usual) with my "invisible" someone....hahaha... pretending la... (yes, lame I know) - which I have been for the past hours in my room here.... nice to dream a little. But it is possible to do the Waltz "alone" and hit the cupboard.... :P

- Speak Shakespeare!!! - Inspired from Casanova (movie) kot.... I seem to be a little delirious mood - "talking" to myself and riddles and in words that I usually read from my poetry and Jane Austen books.

"Oh how I wish to converse in such a manner with a gentleman after my own heart, who is worthy of my lips and sweetest from the start ." - P

*Whao... that was super random wei....hahaha - totally on the spot! I am so self quoting that!!!!
Now I am a bit "angau"...lol!

O such a beauty, the splendour of love.

Give me thy heart and I shall bear my future.

Carress me with thy warmth,

And let me linger.

Show me the star of thy affection,

And let me twinkle.

O my... that was SUPER RANDOM TOO..... tetiba aje... too "angau d"! I must be. I am a poet again... tra la la la la....! :P

Okay I got to go before I get more mushy here... :D

Do have a pleasent day and God bless!!

*HUGGIES*

Complications of the heart

I am freaking fustrated!!!!

Very fustrated!

Ultimately frustrated!

I feel like banging my head unto the wall and scream my heart out!!!

Nay, more like jumping off a cliff or eating someone up - bites off the head!

I'm pretty upset, quite upset or more like seriously upset.

Not because of anything or anyone but because of myself.

I am a terrible person! A very big one!

Let's just say, I am far from being proud of myself today.

I shall not linger in explanations but just wanting to express my "argh-ness".

I think I need to be locked up somewhere deep from "normal" people, maybe somewhere nice. Like a convent or an abbey or a castle or a mansion or a manor on the mountain or hill top. (think Sound of Music)

Where I can get away from everyone I know and be someone I want to be for real.

Just to calm my soul and to seek solitude of repentance. To cleanse my disgusting and wrecked self and just to flee away from my current life.

Sometimes I feel like I am being torn apart inside and its splitting me to be someone I don't want to be. I feel so tired and restless.

Sometimes I just wanna let it all out and just do as I please.

Be an uncivilised person and turn into the animal inside of me. Sounds vile?

Or just be an angel and keep it that way!

I feel like screaming so bad.... But no matter how much I tried I couldnt, the neighbours would hear :P

And I don't want the police or security to get to my place. *Cuckles*

But seriously, I am desperate to just let it all out of my lungs.

But then again, who would hear it?!

Who to truly hear the cry of my heart?

Sometimes I feel like a concious person living in a vegetable form. It's like I am wide awake but my body is just not reacting to it. Like I am screaming to get out but no one sees it as this shell only response to nothing!

Like just being let out of GM or anestatic (o_O)? - Experience it before after my 2004 surgery when I was pushed out of the operating room. Where you are concious of things around you but you just cant move or react to it? Like your body is not your own. It's like you can hear the doctors and your family members talking but you can't even move a finger to react?

That's my point, that's how I feel sometimes. I know and I feel ever so real. But I cant seem to convey it out. Like my body is not my own and no one seems to notice. Just like how my mum couldnt hear me when I called out to her in the hospital room. Cause in real life then, I was just lying "dead" on the bed not moving.

Maybe somethings are not meant to be let out.

But it is as said - tearing me apart!

It's like I am keeping so much inside but I cant let out. And it is killing me inside.

Sometimes it feels like I'm in limbo! Ouch!

And I don't want to be lukewarm...

I want to be ME!!! And a very good one too!

I want to wake up and know that everything is alright!

I want to be happy again!

I am pathetically desperate for it!

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~Let Your will be done~

"Lord, grant me the peace of mind to deal with matters wisely. Give me the spirit of understanding, wisdom and knowledge. Guard my heart and mind to do what is right in Your eyes and forgive me of my imperfections."

Amen

The symphony of the rain

....it's like loving/missing someone who's dead....

No matter how much you love or miss him or her, you'll never see them again.

"Now that is something sad to be blissful about...."

When the winds chime the bells

I had a very stressful violin class today, one of the worst. My fingers are aching now as I type and skin is peeling off! My back hurts and my SE level is degrading rapidly. There was a new (2008-2011) exam piece sight reading today and I sucked to the max. I have never seen Miss Chuang (my violin teacher) so annoyed and fustrated before! And no matter how many times I've tried it, I got worse. I practically struggled for the first 2 bars! Maybe it was because I was super restless and I could not concentrate well. Miss Chuang said I was too stiff with my bowing, she literally had to adjust my right wrist all the time! But how can I not be stiff when it was all so tense?!

OKAY, I am not really complaining here, my violin teacher is so far the best music teacher I have ever had (among 10 of them?! - including piano). When I first entered SIM - Selangor Institute of Music, she literally "broke" me off and mould me again in the correct way. It seems that my basics from my previous violin teacher was sorta not correct, hence she took literal and specific care to "break" every single finger I have to bring out what she wants. And it was a rough start at SIM. Imagine playing the same way for so many years, and now having to change it all and adapt to it ASAP.

But anyway, it turned out good, my bowing, musical knowledge, fingering, tones and all are improving. Although it was hard, I actually enjoyed my classes compared to the previous teacher. I learned many other songs and not only my exam pieces. And I love duets!

But today's class was..... o_0"

Anyway.... classes in college start today - after the Raya hols. Everything was so so, I have yet to start on all my annoying assignments and they are "sedang mendaiki bukit" now - if you know what I mean. But I guess you won't panic untill the last minute.... :P After class, went for lunch with Meng at Carl's Jr! Yiang couldn't join us cause she had to balik :( I had a bacoon cheeseburger and it was great! Very full.....hehehehe! I practically skipped dinner!

When I got home, I terus tidur like a pig... waking up early in the morning, college and a full lunch has taken its toll on me... OINK, OINK!! lol

But after I woke up, the first thing that dawned me what that I forgot to send an important thing to Yiang via email!!!!

I am SO SORRY YIANG!!! Thousand apologies!

We are both applying to minor in Public Relation for our degree in Murdoch University (Perth) - major in Media Studies. And I had to send her the scanned form and have it emailed the college before 430pm! But I only woke up after 6pm! Again, sorry! I hope Ms Sasha can send it tomorrow instead.

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Où êtes-vous, o garde de mon coeur las ? Je vous recherche journalier, désir de votre sourire encore. M'avez-vous oublié ? Tu me manques beaucoup. Je vous souhaite bien, mais surtout je vous souhaite l'amour.